Attention, sophisticated males! It's clear that the media has been neglecting your needs for too long—where can affluent, well-groomed dudes in expensive suits go to get a little respect once in a while? But don't fret: in April of this year, G4 (you know, Nick Arcade: The Network?), will officially cease to be, and…

Mitt Romney's visit to the UK would have been disastrous enough if he'd just shut up after pissing off the British press, the Prime Minister, and the mayor of London. But he had to take it a step farther and go beyond insulting his host country and their Olympic efforts — in an attempt to get people to think he was…

Rafalca, Mitt Romney's frou frou Olympics-bound dressage horse, nets the family a $77,000 tax credit per year. Since Normals who produce mere human children only get a $1,000 tax credit per child, it therefore stands to reason that Rafalca Romney is worth 77 human children. Certainly more than your entire family.

Because the Romneys are just normal, regular, down-to-earth human people like you and me—and certainly not extremely lifelike robot replicants that eat civil rights and poop out money—it's totally normal that they not only own a horse, but also had the time and resources to teach it to fucking dance. The Romneys'…