What Part of Beyoncé's Coachella Performance Are You Still Obsessing Over?
How many times did you watch #Beychella this weekend? Twice? Four times? Six times plus every Instagram excerpt you…
A New Poll Says 68 Percent of Women Think Donald Trump's a Dick, Not That It's Nearly Enough
Donald Trump, in addition to discovering just how much he likes the BOOM! CRASH! noise his Galactic Space Infinity…
No Shit: Poll Shows Most Americans Think Trump Is Racist
Surprising no one except your MAGA hat-wearing uncle, most Americans don’t think Trump is particularly woke on the race…
Would You Do It With the Fish Man?
As Guillermo del Toro’s The Shape of Water churns through the awards circuit, an unanswered question has been left…
WOULD YOU BANG THE MOOCH!?
PICTURE THIS, OKAY? YOU ARE FRIGGIN’ 3 FEET DEEP IN THE MOST GORGEOUS HOT TUB IN MANHASSET, GULPING VINO WITH A…
Poll: Other Countries Hate Trump Even More Than We Do
According to a new Pew Research Center survey, US favorability ratings across the globe have declined “steeply” since a…
Would You Have Sex with Billy McFarland, Fyre Festival Bro-in-Chief?
Please: light a candle, lean back, and close your eyes. You are standing on a beach adjacent to a Sandals resort,…
Trump Now Has an Approval Rating of 36 Percent, Which Honestly Still Seems Kinda High
But look how good he holds that pen! What a big, strong boy!
Crunch, Crave, or Cry: How Would You Have Dealt With This Awkward Airplane Snack Cart Experience?
On Sunday afternoon I was scheduled to fly back to New York City after a brief trip to Austin, TX. The flight was…
Most Americans Haven't Seen Any Best Picture Nominees
Despite the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ attempts to make the Oscars a more populist affair (their…
The Voting Public Apparently Believes in SNL More Than Trump
Polls! What do they even tell us? Mostly, they confirm that a terrifying number of people know nothing and don’t care…
Would You Have Sex With This Appalled British MP?
As protests mount across the UK in reaction to Trump’s Muslim ban, a petition to prevent Trump from making an official…
Would You Have Sex With the Naked Cowboy?
Times Square hallmark Robert Burck, 46, also known as the Naked Cowboy, was born in Cincinnati, loves Donald Trump,…
Democrats Also Believe in Pizzagate and Other Stupid Ideas
People on the left love to say how gullible Republicans are, but it turns out we’re all stupid and bad. That explains a…
Prepare for a Shock: Trump Has Historically Low Transition Approval Ratings
According to a Gallup poll released on Wednesday morning, Donald Trump’s presidential transition has a 48 percent…
Office Christmas Party Looks Very Bad, Yet I Still Want to See It. Am I Alone?
Office Christmas Party is a movie about T.J. Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney B. Vance, Jason Bateman, and Kate…
Would You Have Sex With Donald Trump if He Looked Like Jason Momoa?
Sometimes, a Would U topic is not the choice of the Would Writer. Sometimes, a Would U topic is the result of a…
Would You Have Sex With Great British Bake-Off Traitor Paul Hollywood?
Out of two beloved judges and two beloved hosts, only judge Paul Hollywood—hyper-masculine, exacting,…
Do You Wash Your Legs?
There’s an ongoing joke on season three of FXX’s You’re the Worst in which Jimmy (Chris Greere) is disgusted to learn…