How many times did you watch #Beychella this weekend? Twice? Four times? Six times plus every Instagram excerpt you could get your hands on? Six times, with commentary? Did you already write about it in your diary???
Donald Trump, in addition to discovering just how much he likes the BOOM! CRASH! noise his Galactic Space Infinity Blaster makes when he presses all the buttons, is enjoying a slightly boosted approval rating of 40 percent, per a recent poll. Unfortunately, it appears some gross picky women are keeping him from…
Surprising no one except your MAGA hat-wearing uncle, most Americans don’t think Trump is particularly woke on the race front. According to a new poll by the Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research, 57 percent of adults—“8 in 10 blacks, three-quarters of Hispanics and nearly half of whites”—believe…
As Guillermo del Toro’s The Shape of Water churns through the awards circuit, an unanswered question has been left lingering in the air, swirling and winking around like a constellation of magical blue lights. Would you bang the fish guy?
PICTURE THIS, OKAY? YOU ARE FRIGGIN’ 3 FEET DEEP IN THE MOST GORGEOUS HOT TUB IN MANHASSET, GULPING VINO WITH A BUSINESSMAN, A RECENTLY SEPARATED HUSBAND, THE OWNER OF A BEAUTIFUL AND VERY HIGH-END PAIR OF WOMEN’S SUNGLASSES (CLASSY), A FUCKING ICON—ANTHONY “THE MOOCH” SCARAMUCCI, THE GODDAMN COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR…
According to a new Pew Research Center survey, US favorability ratings across the globe have declined “steeply” since a certain paranoid kleptocrat became our beloved leader, far outpacing even his piss-poor domestic approval rating. Who could have possibly, possibly predicted?
Please: light a candle, lean back, and close your eyes. You are standing on a beach adjacent to a Sandals resort, dehydrated and frantically looking for the inhaler stored inside your missing luggage. A crowd of angry millennials swarms nearby. Above the horde, a sweaty, dark-haired figure emerges, balancing atop an…
But look how good he holds that pen! What a big, strong boy!
On Sunday afternoon I was scheduled to fly back to New York City after a brief trip to Austin, TX. The flight was scheduled to depart at around 2:00PM, but was delayed some five hours because—based on the few details I could understand when bleated out of the gate’s loudspeaker—a flight carrying a replacement part…
Despite the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ attempts to make the Oscars a more populist affair (their decision to allow up to nine Best Picture nominees has allowed for more than just prestige films to be in the running), over half the country hasn’t seen a single one of the nine films it found to be the…
Polls! What do they even tell us? Mostly, they confirm that a terrifying number of people know nothing and don’t care about truth, but also that they love Melissa McCarthy, so it’s not all bad.
As protests mount across the UK in reaction to Trump’s Muslim ban, a petition to prevent Trump from making an official state visit recently reached over 1.25 million signatures, many times over the amount needed to trigger a debate in Parliament. Although Downing Street confirmed that Prime Minister Theresa May would…
Times Square hallmark Robert Burck, 46, also known as the Naked Cowboy, was born in Cincinnati, loves Donald Trump, wears underpants around everywhere, ran for president in 2012 as a member of the Tea Party, and thinks he is sexy.
People on the left love to say how gullible Republicans are, but it turns out we’re all stupid and bad. That explains a lot, doesn’t it?
According to a Gallup poll released on Wednesday morning, Donald Trump’s presidential transition has a 48 percent approval and a 48 percent disapproval rating among Americans, significantly lower than that of Obama, Bush, and Clinton during the same period. Still pretty high, in my opinion! Let’s get down to zero,…
Office Christmas Party is a movie about T.J. Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney B. Vance, Jason Bateman, and Kate McKinnon attending an office Christmas party that, like most office Christmas parties that don’t involve Alan Rickman, turns into a very fun night. It doesn’t look particularly clever (or even very funny),…
Sometimes, a Would U topic is not the choice of the Would Writer. Sometimes, a Would U topic is the result of a populist uprising on intra-office messenger Slack, in which the Would Writer’s colleagues come at her like a swarm of barbaric hornbots and demand that she ask our readers if, say, they would fuck Donald…
Out of two beloved judges and two beloved hosts, only judge Paul Hollywood—hyper-masculine, exacting, crispy-of-hair—opted to move with The Great British Bake Off from BBC to the dreaded Channel 4. Britain, as far as I can tell, remains in an uproar. Would you let him fold your flaky pastry?
There’s an ongoing joke on season three of FXX’s You’re the Worst in which Jimmy (Chris Greere) is disgusted to learn that his girlfriend Gretchen (Aya Cash) doesn’t deliberately wash her legs while she’s in the shower. Quick Q, though: Does anybody?
The New York Times Real Estate section has found its latest hapless victim, and it is a 25-year-old Brooklyn resident and “pop/minimalist composer” named Jack Leahy who willingly pays $450 a month to live in a crawl space in which he cannot stand up. Would you have sex with someone who lives in a crawl space, in the…
