Kanye West has returned to Instagram, The FADER reports.

Looks like they finally got that big ass sarcophagus open! What was inside?

Fresh from the sands of Egypt emerges an enormous black sarcophagus, contents unknown. Okay, who wants to pop the hood? Knock, knock!

Okay, so we’ve been over the basics of this bizarre Rand Paul story, but let’s skim through it once more, because there are more weird updates and I am about to hitch a ride down to Bowling Green my goddamn self to investigate why a U.S. Senator is being so coy about getting physically attacked by his neighbor of 17…

On Wednesday, a wee mermaid house was found floating in the Gulf of Mexico, about 180 miles south of Grand Isle, Louisiana. On Thursday, the US Coast Guard solved the mystery of its origin story. 

La La Land is a movie carried by talented actors doing their best with what they were given. One of the things they were given was this hideous souffle-cake chimera which Ryan Gosling believably portrays as food.

Paranoid trash king Roger Ailes showed up to Donald Trump’s debate prep sporting a fresh black eye yesterday, reports his sworn enemy and extremely unauthorized biographer, New York Magazine’s Gabriel Sherman. But a question remains—who among the many he has wronged got the satisfaction of punching him in the eye?

It has recently come to my attention that Matt Damon somehow grew a man bun in a month and I have many, many questions.

A Canadian town has been struck with a peculiar crime wave: Somebody is stealing female mannequins.

State investigators say a New York woman accused of killing her fiancé during a kayaking trip admitted to intentionally removing the plug from his kayak and then taking his paddle away. Angelika Graswald, 36, is charged with second-degree murder and manslaughter, and has pleaded not guilty.

Turns out some high-profile women of the late Neolithic rest in only slightly disturbed peace at Stonehenge.

Indiana State House Majority Leader Jud McMillin — invariably described as a “rising star” in the Republican party — has speedily resigned after a cellphone video of a sex act was reportedly sent to people in his contacts list. McMillin subsequently sent out a mass text claiming his cellphone was “stolen in Canada.”…

A 13-year-old black conservative activist caused a ripple of finger wags yesterday when he claimed that President Obama had blocked him on Twitter. The White House says that nobody has ever been blocked from President Obama’s official Twitter account. Somebody’s lying!

Good news: Jennifer Aniston married Justin Theroux in a secret ceremony in early August and is no longer sad. Bad news: We have no idea what she wore! :(

On Wednesday night, Richmond photographer Meagan Abell posted a set of astounding film photos on Facebook, writing:

Last month, Jezebel ran a piece written by a woman who had filed a successful complaint against accused Columbia rapist Paul Nungesser. She chose to remain anonymous to protect herself. Days later, her identity was doxxed on the website of a well-known bumbling wannabe conservative provocateur famed for his unethical…

WHO TOOK THIS PICTURE?????????????