Michelle Obama is not running for president, and if she is, she would still like you to stop telling her to do it.

Just in time for summer—if summer ever comes, that is—Barack and Michelle Obama are putting in a pool! TMZ is reporting the couple’s $8.1 million Washington D.C. home “is undergoing construction for a new swimming pool” as I type this.

Barack and Michelle Obama, the adults in the room we never fully appreciated until they were gone, are in “advanced negotiations” with Netflix to produce a series of shows that, as near as I can tell, will provide soothing background noise as we pack dirt around the walls of our nuclear fallout shelters.

It’s been a particularly tumultuous past few months for the Recording Academy, after its president Neil Portnow made a fool of himself by suggesting women weren’t winning Grammys because they needed to “step up.”

When Melania Trump handed Michelle Obama a blue Tiffany box on Inauguration Day last year, Obama had no idea what to do with the damn package, which turned out to contain...a frame.

The Obamas have chosen Kehinde Wiley and Amy Sherald to be the first black artists to paint presidential portraits for the Smithsonian. Both artists are well-respected and well-placed in major museums (Kehinde Wiley’s work has auctioned for over $100,000), but still the selections clearly recognize American race and…

This is a sobering Dirt Bag because there isn’t much gossip (I went online after a 24-hour hiatus and everything is about Tom Petty, even the news that’s not really about Tom Petty, RIP), and because, well, stars are just like us: they too occasionally do an appropriate thing when faced with heart-melting levels of…

An Us Weekly item, which refers to Rob Kardashian as “The Arthur George sock designer,” confirmed on Wednesday that Rob filed a lawsuit against his former fiancée Blac Chyna, alleging assault, battery, and vandalism.

The Michelle Obama appreciation tour continued on Tuesday night with a speaking engagement in Colorado that once again reminded us how much our souls have turned bitter with rage and discontent.

Hey you!

Michelle Obama, the FLOTUS America didn’t deserve, popped up for a talk at the Worldwide Developer’s Conference, the event where Apple unveils new products and where, this year, attendees were blessed to hear her inspirational words on topics like living your best life, memoir writing, and the power of female…

Welcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle.

Welcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle.

After taking a few months off to relax and probably talk shit in private about the mess America has gotten itself into, Michelle Obama returned to the public eye for a speaking engagement in Orlando this week.

On Friday, a Chicago artist and urban planner by the name of Chris Devins wrapped up a large mural of Michelle Obama dressed as an Egyptian queen, located a few blocks from Michelle’s childhood home. The completed mural was the endgame of a GoFundMe Devins launched in November that raised a few thousand dollars more…

You’ve likely heard that Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry recently concluded their year-long romance. Now Bloom—the man I most associate with elves who state the obvious—is sowing his wild oats. He’s “casually” dating Nina Dobrev and putting moves on model Ashley Haas. In fact, Dobrev was even present during the…

During the Obamas’ eight years at the White House, Michelle Obama’s hair, and how she wore it, was a point of interest. Now that she’s out of office, it continues to be.

I recently began watching MasterChef Junior when I realized that my cooking skills are about on par with those of a decently accomplished nine-year-old’s; rather than watching adult Chopped, which I love but is exceedingly aspirational, the junior versions of reality competition cooking shows are actually instructive…

Well folks, we made it to another Friday. As usual, it felt like it took approximately four-and-a-half months to get here but here we are, nonetheless.

Do you miss Barack and Michelle? It’s okay, I know, me too. Ready yourselves, then for this news: Barack and Michelle Obama have each signed a book deal with Penguin Random House to publish their memoirs for an untold but likely enormous sum of money.