McDonald's Will Begin Hiding Cheeseburgers From Children
For the past few years McDonald’s has made changes to the chain’s kids-friendly Happy Meal in order for it to be healthier.
It Would Be Dope If You Could Rub Fries On Your Head to Cure Baldness
Baldness may have a cure, and it can be found in the grease of McDonald’s french fries.
Here's Donald Trump's Greasy-Ass McDonald's OrderÂ
Reporters at The Washington Post nabbed a copy of former Trump campaign managers Corey Lewandowski and David Bossie’s forthcoming memoir, Let Trump Be Trump, and uncovered a bounty of juicy, crisis-filled stories from the trenches of the 2016 presidential campaign. If you want a peek at those, click here. (Or better…
No, It Cannot 'Rain Shade'
I haven’t checked, but I’m almost certain Shade Court is the only branch of government still standing. If that’s the case, hi, I’m in charge now. This is the new national anthem, healthcare is free, I’ve sent Paul Ryan to Cuba and jalapeño poppers can now be used as currency. This is Judge Brown’s America.
McDonald's Workers Across the U.S. Plan Protests Against the Company's Sexual Harassment Problem
Workers from 30 cities are planning a protest against McDonald’s this Thursday, in an attempt to draw attention to the 15 different cases of sexual harassment filed against the company with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in just the past month. The complaints come from California, Michigan, Wisconsin,…
Ohio Women Take Happy Mugshots After Being Arrested for Assaulting a McDonald's Employee
Three women were arrested for assaulting a McDonald’s employee last week in Bellevue, Ohio; two of them are seen smiling in their booking pics.
McDonald's Is Testing Garlic Fries, Fuck
For a limited time, a select few McDonald’s locations will test a dish called “Gilroy Garlic Fries”—fries that are tossed with garlic, olive oil, parmesan cheese, and salt. Fun fact: my number one turn-on is having those ingredients whispered in my ear.
Don't Eat McMuffins After 3 P.M.
The Sausage & Egg McMuffin is the best thing that God has invented so far, and eating one is better than having an orgasm, even one when you’re fully clothed. But it turns out, those little ecstasy pucks are a tall order when they’re served in the afternoon.
Last Night's Bachelor Included a Beautiful Date at/Marketing Opportunity for McDonald's
Monday night’s episode of The Bachelor was deeply boring—the women are starting to feel more feelings, it’s hard to watch Ben get close to other people, etc etc.—but it did have one thing: an amazing plug for the little restaurant start-up, McDonald’s!
McDonald's Fined $355,000 For Allegedly Being Consistently Shitty to Immigrants
McDonald’s allegedly did a shitty thing? McDonald’s allegedly did a shitty thing!
Shade Court: This Is Goodbye
Hello loyal Shade Court readers, I have some news that you probably will not like, but I believe will make us all stronger in the long run. I, Judge Brown, she who presides nobly over the high court of Shade, am retiring. This will be my last Shade Court post for the foreseeable future. Anything can change—perhaps…
Drinking a McDonald's Japan Milkshake Is Just Like Sucking on a Boob
It is so hard to come to terms with the fact that we aren’t babies anymore and can’t just suck on a tit for nourishment. McDonald’s Japan is maybe having a harder time with that realization than most.
Here's How Every Argument Against a Minimum Wage Hike is Bullshit
No currently-legal profession takes more public crap for demanding to be treated like human beings than food service workers. Here’s how and why every single argument against them is complete horseshit.
Opponents of a Minimum Wage Hike Have Graduated to Openly Lying
If you know your argument that restaurant owners universally revile the idea of an increased minimum wage is complete bullshit, that’s still OK! You can just make shit up, as one of the main restaurant industry lobbyists recently did.
Live Hand Grenade Discovered Underneath McDonald's Parking Lot
Look, I’m mad about the fact that McDoubles cost $1.29 now, too, but some things are just too far.
If I See One More Post About Secret Menus, I Am Going to Vomit Blood
“Hey, you know what you should try? Ordering off the SECRET MENU, bro. Like, ask for a McChicken, but instead of the chicken, get them to put, like, a McFlurry on there! #lifehack #yolo #iamlungcancerinhumanform”
Confused Grandfather Thinks McDonald's Minion Toy is Swearing At Him
This story is literally Old Man Yells At Plastic Toy. Strap in.
McDonald's is Going to Be Offering Lobster Rolls Because God is Dead
Pictured above: what McDonald’s desperately wishes it was offering.
Chipotle is Going to Offer Sick Days, Paid Vacation to Hourly Workers
On Friday, Chipotle announced they’d soon be offering sick days, paid vacation, and tuition reimbursement for all employees—not just salaried workers.
What the Hell is Happening in McDonald's Recent Hamburglar Promo?
What...what are you even going for here, McDonald’s? Why is any of this happening? Why are you doing this to us?!
