What would New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg wear if he were a woman? is a question that has probably kept zero thousand people awake at night, but regardless, here's the answer you haven't been waiting for.

The rapper who dried up everyone's vagina and ripped a new tear in NYC hipsters' New Religion pants is back at it. Rapper Awkwafina just released a new song called "Mayor Bloomberg (Giant Margaritas)," an endearing song to the Mayor. Nah, it's just a giant middle finger to his proposed soda ban with a really hot beat.…

Well, that was quick! A judge has decided that Mayor Bloomberg's ban on sugary drinks larger than 16 ounces is toro caca, and went right ahead and invalidated it.

Irritated by Susan G. Komen For The Cure's anti-choice pandering and anti-truth lying, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that he stands with Planned Parenthood— by donating $250,000 to the organization. If my tally's correct, that means that since the Komen announcement and with Bloomberg's donation,…

Georgina Bloomberg's Olympic speed skater boyfriend dumped her days after she was thrown from her horse during an equestrian competition. What's the classy way to respond? Complain to the media! Backfire-proof.

To the Times, Diana Taylor is Mayor Bloomberg's "companion" or "sidekick" but never his "girlfriend." Is the paper being old-fashioned, or are girlfriends and boyfriends just for kids?

[New York, September 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

So, the U.S. Open's on. And last night Vogue's Anna Wintour, tennis star Maria Sharapova, actor Forest Whitaker, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, mogul Martha Stewart and others gathered for the 8th Annual USTA Serves' OPENing Gala at the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center. Don't ask me what they did; what do they …

[New York, April 9. Images via Splash.]