This Week In Tabloids: John Travolta and Kelly Preston's Marriage Is 'Bizarre,' But It's Also Fine

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we read the headline “JOHN & KELLY: INSIDE THEIR BIZARRE MARRIAGE” and start laughing to ourselves in public. This week, Angelina Jolie is a freakin’ liar, John Travolta and Kelly Preston are freakin’ weirdos, and William and Kate are freakin’ King and Queen.

Report: John Travolta’s Hotel Demands Include Aluminum Foil on the Windows & Male Masseurs

Would you like to be John Travolta’s personal masseuse when he’s staying in a hotel? If you said yes for some reason and are a woman, TOO BAD, LADY, because John Travolta only wants to be surrounded by candles and drowned in essential oils while “How Deep Is Your Love” is playing if a man is the one doing the rubbing.

You Won't Believe All the Secrets Kelly Preston and John Travolta Have

If you thought John Travolta was the only person in his marriage with “sex secrets,” then you were wrong, because wife Kelly Preston also has sex secrets, and all their sex secrets will be revealed in a “shocking” new tell-all called The Shocking and Sexy Sex Secrets of Two Secretive People: Kelly Preston and John…

Taylor Swift and Lorde Are 'LOLing' Together, Definitely Not Fighting

Do you ever—when on the subway, walking in the street or chaperoning a school dance—feel like teens are laughing at you? Well, in the case of best friends Lorde (a real teen) and Taylor Swift (an eternal teen), they most definitely are. “That’s right, daddy-o,” they chuckle, flipping up the collars of their leather…