He Wasn't Ghosting You... He Just Went With the Rapture
In the midst of our daily blogging and collective screaming, the Jezebel staff recently got to talking about the rapture. When would it come for us? What would it feel like?
What Time Should We Celebrate Jesus Walking Out of the Tomb This Weekend?
As Refinery 29 reports, this Sunday billions of Christians around the world will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, which famously occurred three days after he died from crucifixion at the hands of Pontius Pilate and his ruthless Roman soldiers. But one question remains: What time is Easter?
I Found Jesus At a Bernie Sanders Rally
PHILADELPHIA — “All your sins are forgiven!” Jesus informed me at a “Bernie or Bust” rally in front of Philadelphia’s City Hall. His robe was a little warm, he said. “I bought it at a Muslim store.”
God's Man on the Ground Donald Trump Questions Hillary Clinton's Religious Faith
Donald Trump—a golden goose so loved by God he was transformed into a human man, only the Lord got tired midway through and paused for rest, never to resume—is a man of faith. He loves Two Corinthians. He goes toe-to-toe with that mean old Pope. And now, of course, he’s questioning Hillary Clinton’s Christianity.
I Watched the Godly, Bland The Passion Live From the Streets of New Orleans
Mostly, attending live television events that are being taped for broadcast, or even being broadcast live, is not as much fun as you might think. The show isn’t really set up to entertain an audience that is, essentially, there to play an audience; the finished product for air is the thing, and actual guests have to…
Actor Playing Jesus in Fox Special Is Pretty Confident He's Going to Nail This
People has recently made my day by publishing a behind-the-scenes teaser for Fox’s upcoming Easter TV special, The Passion, a clip so stupid and perfect that I watched it three times, double-checked Christopher Guest’s IMDB page, and had to do a lap around the office.
Omarion Compares Himself to Jesus Because His Song Wasn't Nominated For a Grammy
Omarion is not happy that his hit single, “Post to Be,” was not nominated for a Grammy. So Omarion went on a bit of a Twitter rant to express his disappointment that his hit single, “Post to Be,” was not nominated for a Grammy.
Baby Cheesus Died for Your Potato Skins
It’s cheese Jesus. It’s Cheesus.
Philandering Politician Blames Mafia, Thanks Jesus in 1,900 Word Facebook Rant
Last week, the Detroit News broke the rather curious story of Michigan State Representative Todd Courser, who tried to cover up the affair he was having with a fellow state rep by inventing a gay sex scandal. That didn’t work. Now, Courser is indicating that the shadowy-sounding “Lansing Mafia” is responsible for his…
'Asked God's Forgiveness': Grim Yelp Reviews of Christian Vacation Spots
Welcome to Grim Yelp Reviews, a regular feature where we share people’s worst experiences at the worst places. This week: the (un)holiest of summer vacation destinations.
AD: A Teen Has Some Questions About Jesus's Big Plan
This week on AD: The Bible Continues, men were sad and mad and bad. But the stand-out star was not-yet-Saint Peter’s daughter, who followed her father to Jerusalem without asking permission and then demanded some by-God answers about what was going on around here.
An Illustrated Bible + House of Cards = AD: The Bible Continues
Yesterday, on Easter Sunday, stuffed to the gills with ham and pastel candy, I sat down to watch the sequel to the hugely popular 2013 miniseries The Bible. No, not The Road to Salt Lake City. I'm talking, of course, about AD: The Bible Continues.
Fun Fact: Ben-Hur Was Originally About Jesus, Not Chariot Racing
Thanks to the astronomically famous 1959 movie, Ben-Hur is known mostly for its sick-ass chariot race (and the gruesome-though-debunked urban legend that somebody's death appears on film). But here's a fun Easter fact: It was originally based on a hugely popular novel published in 1880, written by a Civil War general.…
The Passion of the Bieber: A Star Attempts to Resurrect His Career
This week, Holy Week, we ponder the life of a man who was born to an unwed teen mother and a carpenter father. A man who started with very little, but whose followers would go on to change the world. A man who knew how to get down with hookers, who was betrayed and tortured by his own people. A nobody who became a…
If Anyone Deserves Gonorrhea in His Eyeball, It's War Machine
MMA fighter and alleged domestic abuser War Machine is awaiting trial on charges that he beat ex-girlfriend Christy Mack nearly to death. War Machine's brother Michael has been issuing jailhouse letters from War Machine on the fighter's Twitter page: in the latest ones, he claims to have found Jesus, and reminisces…
Duck Dynasty Scion Sadie Roberston Praises HIM for Her Rumba
On Tuesday night, Sadie Robertson (of the Duck Dynasty Robertsons) performed a pretty impressive rumba on Dancing with the Stars. But first, she took some time to thank the man upstairs, posting on Instagram: "ALL glory to God for this amazing journey." That amazing journey being, of course, her participation in …
Kirk Cameron Will Have You Know Halloween Is a Christian Holiday
Kirk Cameron recently popped by my favorite Internet publication, the Christian Post (it's like HuffPo mated with a church newsletter!), for a little chat about his upcoming motion picture release, Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas. And he had a message for you believers: Halloween is totally OK to celebrate, because…
Ohhh...God: Teen Arrested For Forcing Jesus to Give Him a Blowjob
An unnamed teen was arrested yesterday for doing something so unholy even I can't condone it. He literally dick-whipped Jesus Christ. Or a statue of Jesus Christ. Either way, he is definitely going to hell for this. Definitely. (I will see you there shortly.)
Fuck Santa! Kirk Cameron's New Movie Gives Baby Jesus His Birthday Back
Let me tell you guys my idea of a perfect Christmas. You wake up like it's any other day—it might not feel like December 25, it might even feel like, say, August 27—you go to work, you eat your sandwich, you shoulder life's banality with the resignation of a much older woman, and then...someone sends you a link. You…
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