Get Your Damn Flu Shot Already
Have you heard? The flu this year will fuck you up. This isn’t some lazy strain of illness you’ll contract only by…
Republicans Don't See Pain, Only 'Suffering'
There are, according to Representative Mo Brooks (R-AL), people who have lived “good lives”; Americans who have “done…
Elton John Contracts Grave Bacterial Infection, Should Make Full Recovery
Oh hell no, Elton, not you too. Last week the Rocket Man contracted a “rare and potentially deadly” bacterial infection…
Shannen Doherty Reveals That Cancer Has Spread, Is Undergoing Chemotherapy
Two weeks ago, Shannen Doherty revealed photos of herself with a shaved head, a symbolic announcement that she had…
An Oregon Teen Has Come Down With a Bout of the Bubonic Plague
Wow, excellent: according to reports, a teenage girl in Bend, Oregon, contracted a case of bubonic plague from a flea…
A Bad Romance in India, and the Donkey Dick That Ended It All
The same day my father sold my childhood home, I headed to the airport. I was 21 and had finally mustered the courage…
How to Make the Medicina de Mezcal, a Cocktail the Doctor Ordered 4 U
Welcome to Boozinette. This is the Medicina de Mezcal.
That One Time I Barfed and Crapped All Over Iceland
Below me, on the ground, lies a slush of partially digested rehydrated noodles. They look like little wriggly white…
The Worst Place You Ever Got Sick
Welcome back to Pissing Contest, where every week we try to outdo each other with our craziest real life stories.…
The Paranoid Hypochondriac's Guide to the Ebola Outbreak
The worst ebola outbreak in history is currently ravaging West Africa, and it might be coming to the U.S. Okay, it's…
Your Doctor's Stethoscope is a Filthy Cesspool of Invisible Bugs
Everything is disgusting and we're all going to die of something at some point. That being said, just because…
Polio-Like Mystery Illness Afflicts Children in Northern California
In Northern California’s Bay Area, an illness that resembles polio is affecting children and doctors aren’t sure what…
Dad With Cancer Writes 800 Notes to His Daughter
A 44-year-old man who was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer feared that his daughter would go through high school…
Mysterious Cruise Ship Plague Has Ruined Caribbean Vacay for 281 People
Stepping aboard an ocean liner and putting your life in the hands of a captain who, at least on a Disney cruise, might…
Barbara Bush Hospitalized for Vague ‘Respiratory Related Issue’
Late on New Year's Eve, it was reported that Barbara Bush, the 88-year-old former First Lady of the United States, had…
An Encyclopedia of Diseases Miley Cyrus Can Catch by Licking Things
Miley Cyrus may have claimed she's disavowed Twerking in her latest interview with Rolling Stone, but she's way into…
Labeling Diseases By Gender Is Literally Hurting Everyone
According to an article in the journal Clinical Chemistry and Laboratory Medicine (CLLM), the majority of medical…
GMA's Robin Roberts Reveals Rare Bone Marrow Disorder
ABC news anchor — and overall classy broad — Robin Roberts took a moment out of today's Good Morning America to…
Getting Measles Trendy Among Babies Whose Asshole Parents Didn't Vaccinate Them
Are you a baby? Did your parents make the jerky decision not to vaccinate you? Well, then are you in for some fevery,…
Dr. Google Thinks You're Way Sicker Than You Actually Are
Here's a new survey from the Department of Obvious Things: when ladies get sick, they're much more likely to consult…