Everything is stupid, and so are we. Welcome to Jezebel’s Stupidest Summer Ever, a season-long celebration of our worst, most idiotic thoughts and opinions.

Something happened at the Oscars on Sunday night that I have not been able to get out of my head, although I have tried very, very hard. When I close my eyes? All I see is Ansel Elgort, AKA Ansolo, AKA DJ Ansolo, shooting a hot dog out of a much larger hot dog.

Sometime during Nikki Reed’s third trimester, she and husband Ian Somerhalder shared their vow to take a “month of silence” after the birth of their child. In an interview with Fit Pregnancy and Baby, a magazine about three things that in no way apply to me, Reed said:

Hey, what’s the weather outside your window like? Where I live, in New York next to a trash truck depot, it’s terrible and cold and raining. It looks like parts of the south have been visited by similar bad luck, which really makes you wonder: What are you going to do with all those hot dogs?

Monday brings the annual July 4th Nathan’s Famous hot-dog eating contest on Coney Island, a spectacle teased 365 days of the year with a giant billboard outside the chain’s beautifully grimy mothership. So let’s revisit the scene at the stand one day in the 1950s.

Catherine Scalia of East Rockaway has a calling, which is to sell hot dogs out of a camper van in her driveway and give free topless lap dances on a swing in her yard.

I’ve never been an adventurous eater. For example, the most daring I’ve ever gotten with seafood is tuna from a can, and even then I drowned it in mayonnaise (like a true American). So when I decided to go on a solo trip to Iceland, I made a concerted effort to include the local cuisine in my diet, because what is…