“I have a taste for luxury and luxury has a taste for me,” says Sonja Morgan in her Real Housewives of New York Season 3 tagline. Surely, you have a friend or loved one who can relate. These are gifts for the “DE-LUUUU-SION-AL,” party-loving Sonja with a sexy J in your life.
Everybody knows somebody who’s a little too obsessed with British costume dramas.
So they made the tough decision to get outta town. They had a goodbye at that bar they remembered being a little cleaner and a little more fun than it actually is these days. You stared at them wide-eyed because you couldn’t believe they were actually going through with it. The next morning, they took off super early…
You know the homegirl in your friend group who, back in August, broke up with her boyfriend because his friends just like, totally ignored her at Governor’s Ball and what the hell was that about? In September, her allergy to stone fruits was honestly the worst it has ever been. And then, in October, nobody got her…
While I recognize most of us don’t interact with literal SUR waitstaff in our everyday lives, we all have that one hot mess of a friend who is too old to be doing whatever stupid shit they’re doing. And even those friends deserve gifts—gifts to better their lives or simply keep them distracted so they leave you the…
Even if you’re not connected to a network of revolutionary hackers, everyone knows a guy who’s a little bit like Mr. Robot’s Elliot Alderson. Putting aside the fact that your personal Elliot Alderson is likely not the giant honking dreamboat that Rami Malek is (sorry to us all), there are a few defining…
Imposing your will on the world is stressful work! And as we all know, stress leads to high blood pressure—which leads to death. And for the man who has everything, death is the one thing that he doesn’t want. Here are a few ways to avoid her.
What do you get for the man or woman who has everything, and by everything I mean the ability to hang out with you all day and all night forever?
Should you be blessed to have a Phaedra Parks as a friend, then you know exactly what it’s like to be constantly on the defense, constantly on emotional guard. This friend is often silent but deadly—a good listener, though—and a connoisseur of metaphors. When they speak, it’s usually to call upon Jesus, give helpful…
You may have a friend who you’ve recently experienced as annoying. This friend suddenly couldn’t eat dairy products, and then, soon after, gluten; eventually, she began having trouble digesting onions, and raw vegetables, and alcohol, and starts saying things like “leaky gut” and “healing energy treatment.” She…
It’s easy to buy a gift for the parent who likes you. A mom or dad who adores you will likely adore anything you get them—no matter how shitty the gift is—simply because it came from their beloved child. A far greater challenge is finding the perfect gift for the parent who is actively disappointed in you and the way…
Babies and small children, unfortunately, are ill-equipped to fully appreciate Christmas. Their little hands can’t hold things, nor can they grasp the concept of gifts. They’re built that way, and it’s no one’s fault. While their lack of comprehension doesn’t render them completely useless, it does make it hard to…
Let’s imagine you work at a company. It’s a pretty good company, good enough that it decides, after much talk, to move to a bigger, fancier office. This office is much-heralded by those who have created it. And yet, it is still an office. It still has flaws, like any living, breathing thing.
I hate the gym. Hate is, perhaps, a strong word, but I certainly and adamantly prefer not to be inside one. Unless a person is a fan of group fitness classes, they’re basically misery caves, especially in the winter— sweaty, air saturated with aspirated moisture from the pores of other humans, exertion sounds,…
Somewhere in the tangles of your friend group or your family tree, there is a spooky person. As a teenager they liked — melodramatically loved, perhaps — Tim Burton; as an adult, their tastes hew to Nick Cave, the Criterion collection, and probably stuff with owls on it. It either strikes you as adorable or incredibly…
Sleeping is a wonderful activity, and one of my personal favorites. My editor Erin recently described me as “a sloth trying to accomplish a series of tasks,” which I found very apt and also upsetting. While most healthy adult Americans consider themselves lucky to reach 8 hours, I am always striving for more, more,…
In a piece towards which I felt all the traditional stages of love—surprise, attraction, anger, denial, tentativeness, renewal and then commitment—Mattathias Schwartz, for the New York Times Magazine, wrote a Letter of Recommendation for a vape.
In most cases, Instagram is not real. By that I mean, at this point, it’s pretty widely understood that most people show only the most attractive versions of themselves and the best parts of their lives on Instagram. It’s a bit shallow and borderline sad but, everyone does it!
Hoarding's been having a wild time as of late. Not content merely to make a name for itself by providing the basis for several award-winning and delight-inducing shows — did you see the one with the CATS — hoarding's ditched its previous DSM classification and has burst, debris flying everywhere and smelling faintly…
