Azealia Banks has penned what is perhaps the least necessary apology of the summer.

Halsey, a person often described as a singer, and G-Eazy, a blissfully unaware rapper, were a thing until they weren’t. The only documentation of real romance is found in their 2018 collaborative single “Him & I,” an unavoidable listening experience if you’re the kind to frequent late night Uber rides, or, like,…

Grimes and Elon Musk have stopped following each other on Instagram after a whirlwind week that involved heavy doses of tears, Azealia Banks, maybe acid and plenty more. Can any relationship withstand all that? Hmm, probably not.

Last week squatter-musician Azealia Banks made an alarming announcement on her Instagram story: that she had been in Elon Musk’s home for days while waiting for Grimes. She wrote, in ominous courier-on-black:

Just kidding, I’ve never had ANY tears to cry for Elon Musk.

Per everyone’s favorite TMZ spin-off/rip-off/whatever-you-want-to-call-it The Blast, the big ol’ public mess surrounding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s ongoing divorce is entirely Jolie’s fault, and Pitt’s fired up over it.

Not that I can ever pretend to understand Azealia Banks’s life, but I must address this very important headline in Stereogum on Sunday declaring the following:

One of the greatest gifts of the last few months has been the relationship between critically acclaimed internet musician Claire Boucher, aka Grimes, and Space X/Tesla founder and billionaire “but don’t call me a billionaire, that’s a bad word” Elon Musk. I call it a gift because it’s entertaining as hell, largely…

Let me get this out of the way: Elon Musk is the fucking worst. Not least of all because he single-handedly murdered my love of Grimes.

Rents may fall and rents may rise (and rise and rise and rise), but one thing that is fixed about living in New York City, and has been ever since the colonizers came here on their dirty-ass boats, is that you’re cohabiting with rats.

Hard to believe that Elon Musk, a man who spent tons of money on a submarine no one needed then bragged about it, who finds that being called a billionaire “devalues” him, would donate money to directly benefit the Republic party, and yet today’s reports reveal just that.

Read on to learn who’s getting rich from the pain of immigrant kids.

I now associate Grimes’ boyfriend with a majestic unicorn fart and that’s just the way it is—the musk to his elon.

GREETINGS EARTH: Grimes, the artist formerly legally known as Claire Boucher is changing her first name to c, the notation for the speed of light, which she announced via Wiki screenshot.

When I first read the news in Page Six that Grimes and Elon Musk may be an item, I briefly went into a sort of horror-induced anaphylactic shock. But after a few moments passed and my tongue deflated back to its normal size, I came to realize that few celebrity couplings have ever made more sense.

A Sunday morning word puzzle for you:

For the second time in six months, Amber and Elon have grown tired of each other’s musks and called it quits. According to a report by Page Six, the tech billionaire who will probably live forever and actress, doomed to die eventually because she’s no longer with him, ended their relationship because “the timing…

Ah yes, the old “I thought this was a business meeting, not a sex party” schtick.

On Thursday, eccentric billionaire and former boyfriend of Amber Heard Elon Musk, horrified all 3.2 million of his Instagram followers by posting a video of himself singing along to Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” while sipping whiskey and roasting marshmallows around a campfire. The video is a true Lynchian nightmare,…

On August 6, news broke that Elon Musk and Amber Heard ended their year-long relationship, citing bad timing and Heard’s burgeoning career as their reasons. Celebrity relationships end all the time, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. Things didn’t work out and that’s fine. All they want is privacy and also to…