Yet Another Sad Dude Pines for the Days When James Bond Had a ‚ÄėThinking Man‚Äôs‚Äô Body

Remember when a micro-violin had to be specially made and tuned to assuage Washington Post columnist Richard Coen's anxiety about how James Bond's screen evolution from slack-limbed inebriate to P90X infomercial model meant that cantankerous old lechers like Richard Coen might no longer be able to impress attractive…

Kate Winslet Secretly Got Married Yesterday, Is Officially Mrs. Rocknroll

Kate Winslet loves Ned Rocknroll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby. Ugrghhhhh, that sucked, but all the good puns were taken! Mr. and Mrs. Winslet-Rocknroll‚ÄĒwho have been engaged since the summer and already share a $3 million house in the English countryside‚ÄĒgot married in at top-secret ceremony in New York,‚Ķ

The Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorce Has Now Gone on 8,000 Times Longer than Their Actual Marriage

Seriously. Check the math. (DON'T CHECK THE MATH.) Unfortunately, it is also 8,000,000,000 times more boring than their actual marriage‚ÄĒwhich was, statistically, the most boring human activity in recorded memory. Anyhoo, Kim Kardashian is still trying to get the divorce finalized, but Kris Humphries refuses to‚Ķ