Weâre deep in the sweaty recesses of campaign season, which means our inboxes are constantly crammed with desperate pleas from disappointing people. Coincidentally, the same thing tends to happen right about now with our former flames, who tend to use this meditative time of year to reflect on how shitty they are.
As a stand-alone, this crap email from a white guy with an Asian fetish to the Asian asexual woman who didn't want to date him would be a worthy addition to the Crap Email From A Dude Hall of Fame. But the crap writer of this crap email didn't stop at an overwrought, way over-the-top message to the indifferent ether;âŚ
There are more than a few scenarios where trusting your gut is A-OK. A sketchy burrito joint. A bikini waxing place operating out of the back of a truck. (I know you bought a Groupon. I'm sorry.) And online dating, for the love of God.
Not too long ago, a local chamber of commerce in New Jersey held a networking event. The mixer was purely business-focused, all meeting and greeting and wheeling and dealing. Business cards were swapped, email addresses were exchanged. But one guy was looking to make a different kind of deal.
In theory, preemptive Facebook stalking should serve to help would-be blind daters avoid an awkward first encounter. In practice, it can entangle you in a web of awkwardness and obligation, and then give people you never care to speak to again a means to contact you â crappily. In today's edition of Crap Email from aâŚ
"Someone That I Used To Know" by Gotye, a man so heartbroken that he can't spell Gaultier properly, is all over the radio, on Saturday Night Live and deep inside your consciousness. It's the number one song on the Billboard charts. But have you listened to the lyrics of this track? They read like a Crap Email From aâŚ
Were you looking for a story that involved a $120 million estate, marital infidelity, a prominent fashion designer, a lawsuit, international flights to see the dying, and a deathbed breakup contract? If so, you're in luck. The estate of C.C. Wang, Vera Wang's oil-millionaire dad, has prevailed in a lawsuit with Wang âŚ
Most of us have received a crap email or two in our day. You know the type â the ex who tries to make you feel bad about yourself, the forgotten hookup who's convinced he was the most important person in your life, the date who inelegantly demands a second chance. But these are all garden-variety assholery compared toâŚ
Yesterday, I wrote a post wherein I wasn't very nice to undifferentiated meat sack Rush Limbaugh in response to his on-air assertion that women who want free birth control must be whores. Without delay, his more fawning fans decided to briefly crawl out of their Confederate Flag Snuggies and give me a piece of theirâŚ
Judges are primarily known for one thing: their good judgment. But that is the opposite of what Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Cebull used when he decided to send an email to six of his "'old buddies' and acquaintances" containing an exceedingly racist joke about President Obama. Oh, and he sent it from hisâŚ
Last week, Virginia Republican Dave Albo entertained a crowd of his legislature buddies with a hilarious House floor story of how his wife wouldn't have sex with him because of Virginia's Mandatory Ultrasound Bill. Many were upset that locker room talk was occurring on the taxpayer's dime, and one reader wrote toâŚ
Anyone who's ever watched Dr. Oz at work knows that he is a hack of the first order. He'll happily push whatever magical berry or miracle elixir will pay him, passing it off as essential to keep you from dyingâor worse, getting fat. He's a women's magazine with a mouth. So we were not shocked when a tipster alerted usâŚ
An embarrassing Republican has issued a textbook non-apology weeks after forwarding an email that called First Lady Michelle Obama "Mrs. YoMamma" and implied that she and the Grinch were twins separated at birth. He's sorry people got mad. He didn't mean to offend anyone. But can we all agree that the President andâŚ
"Lauren" met "Mike" one night at the New York Philharmonic. Little is known about the exact nature of their interaction during their one date â though Lauren described it as "HORRIFIC" â but afterwards, Mike sent Lauren a 1605-word email reproach-cum-Jeremiad-cum-plea for a second date. It's now making the rounds,âŚ
A reader messaged a dude on eHarmony. This is the decidedly unharmonious response she got in return. Read on for a tale of competition, baseball, and what a lady who "seems to feel she's attractive" should do to impress men.
Emily was going away for the summer and needed a subletter for her New York City apartment. Ray answered her Craigslist posting and initially seemed like a good fit. But when he flaked on her, Emily found someone else. And that's when things took a turn for the...unprofessional.
This CEFAD comes to us all the way from 1875, and the pen of one Lafcadio Hearn.
In some ways, living as an expat is still basically the stuff of one of those claustrophobic novels about stupid British people in colonial Kenya or whatever, or, like, The Sheltering Sky only maybe less trippy and with more bureaucracy.
So you go out on New Year's Eve. You meet a guy, he seems nice. You share a dance and a goodnight kiss and give him your number. He calls the next day; when you don't respond immediately, this arrives.
It's a pretty bad idea to contact a stranger and tell her she's hot because she looks like a young girl. Ed did this, to Abigail. And this very special CEFAD is re-enacted for your pleasure by weird bear creatures.
