The World Will Soon Have Millennial Pink Kit Kats
While millennial pink may be on its way out (Pantone’s color of the year is a deep violet, so get ready to start dressing like Prince), the chocolate industry hasn’t gotten the memo.
Now Chocolate Could Go Extinct, Fabulous
Another daily disaster to file away into the glove compartment of our hearts: according to a new report in Business Insider, chocolate is doomed to be wiped off the face of this cruel world as early as 2050. M&M’s endangered. Snickers perishing. Hershey’s murdered. The last batch of cacao could be ground up and snorted
Gigantic Chocolate Bear Statue Kidnapped Last Year Returns to Factory
A priceless, gigantic statue of a bear being smothered in chocolate that was stolen from a Russel Stover factory more than a year ago has now been returned to its rightful owners.
Tens Of Thousands Of Chocolate Eggs Wash Up On German Island
Guess what! As it turns out, life sometimes offers more than a grinding trudge towards death. Residents of the German island Langeoog learned this very lesson last week, when tens of thousands of Kinder Surprise Eggs washed onto its shore.
Toblerone, Wyd?
The makers of Toblerone, that goofy looking Swiss chocolate bar with a bunch of triangles on it, are having fun messing with people’s heads by switching up the design of its bars. To some, it’s maddening.
Known Frauds the Mast Brothers Retreat From the Cruel Schoolyard of the Chocolate Industry
Another chapter is unfolding in the story of the fraudulent chocolate makers the Mast Brothers, dubbed the “Milli Vanilli of chocolate” for their practices of remelting industrial chocolate and selling it as “bean-to-bar.” In an emo open letter on Tuesday, the bros announced that they’re stepping away from the mean,…
Hell Candy Face-Off: Pumpkin Spice Latte M&Ms Versus the Dreaded Dutch Ficorice
Welcome to Cavity Connoisseur, a new occasional column about refined sugar. It has to be occasional or else it will kill me.
Why the Hell Are People Licking this Statue of Benedict Cumberbatch?
You may have seen, recently, the life-sized Benedict Cumberbatch made of chocolate. Well, the creators left it in a shopping center with cameras to capture the reactions. People actually, ACTUALLY broke off pieces and ate them. Haven’t you weirdos ever heard of germs?
Study: Chocolate Might Be as Good for the Brain as Exercise
Overpriced Lululemon pants to the left, to the left: chocolate might be as good for your brain (but not necessarily your booty) as exercise is, says science.
Your Valentine's Day Chocolate Will Be More Expensive, Love Is Dead
Chocolate prices are soaring because Asian markets are in love with the cocoa and the global economy cares nothing about your romantic, reasonably priced Valentine's day gifts.
Ebola's Next Potential Victim: Chocolate
I have some bad news. The spread of Ebola, the horrific disease that has claimed the lives of nearly 4,000 people in western Africa, has already started to negatively affect the chocolate production. In a way, we're all victims.
End Times: Nutella Shortage and Trader Joe's Almond Butter Recall
Grab your spoons in terror because your delicious spreads are in danger. Danger! From Trader Joe’s recalling their almond butter to Nutella maybe running out of hazelnuts, shit is getting real in the world of toast and late night snacks.
This Chocolate Bathroom Is Entirely Unnecessary But I Want It SO Much
My God. It's all made of chocolate. Look at it. Look at it, everyone.
Cambridge University Is Currently Hiring a 'Doctor of Chocolate'
Hey, laaaaaaaaaaadies! Cambridge University has announced that they're seeking a "doctor of chocolate" to spend three and a half years studying the unique physical properties of everyone's favorite gooey and weirdly gendered bean cake. FINALLY! A way to get women interested in STEM…
Chocolate Is Good for Old Lady Brains
It's been definitively proven on this very site that nothing is better than sex, not even chocolate. But for old people, that might not be the case. A new study has found that chocolate might make them harder, better, faster stronger – at least in the brain.
This Beer Smells and Tastes Like a Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup
You can now get beers that taste like anything — ok, well, mainly bacon, but still, the craft beer market has recently exploded (all over your face in an array of tasty flavors), and Sweet Baby Jesus Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter combines chocolate and peanut butter with booze and is it legal to marry a beer now?
Canadian Competiton Bureau Unwraps Chocolate Price-Fixing Conspiracy
Just when you thought the FBI, NSA and Verizon-teamed privacy infringement was the most egregious overstepping of The Man on citizens' rights, Nestlé, Mars and Hershey manufacturers in Canada have apparently been conspiring to fix the price of their chocolate products.
Joe Biden Gives Child's Adorable Gun Proposal a Written Endorsement
Vice President Joe Biden and an intrepid second-grader have joined forces to reform gun control based on one simple platform: chocolate bullets.
Genius Thieves Steal 5 Metric Tons of Nutella
The majority of us, I would guess, live fairly upstanding lives. We wake up, go to work, pay taxes, say 'please' and 'thank you' and, most of the time, that probably works out quite well for us. But then — every so often — we hear a story about someone who steps off the straight and narrow, ignores the mores of…
Consumers Believe That Candy Stamped with a Green Label Is Somehow Healthy Candy
America's largest purveyors of fine Easter chocolates think you're dumb, so dumb, in fact, that they think a green label on a pack of M&Ms will trick you into thinking that those M&Ms are somehow good for you. Or at least better for you than other candy-coated chocolates.
