If you’re a renegade and still consuming great handfuls of almonds despite the fact that you are personally murdering California, you might want to know that the calorie counts could be off, and in fact you’re consuming fewer calories than you thought. (Almond milk is still gross, though.)

Thanks to a new Food and Drug Administration ruling, not even movie theaters and pizza shops will be safe havens for calorie overloads anymore. Every shop, picture house and chain restaurant must list their menu's calorie count. Merry Christmas and Happy Thanksgiving!

The Food and Drug Administration has proposed big-time changes to nutrition labels. Most notably, the new labels will enlarge the font size of calorie counts and also change portion sizes to reflect the modern American diet.

Ever spent time looking for the calories listed on your food at the grocery store? I have and it's not fun, but someone told the Food and Drug Administration about my struggle and they're considering some "revisions." Yay.

Have you ever thought "man, if only I had an accurate calorie burn count for sex I could spend an hour porking (sorry) instead of running on this treadmill like a chump?" Well, someone has your sexy back, and the news is pretty damn good! Basically, we're all Sweating to the Oldies in the bedroom — in a very sensual…

Yeah, laugh it up now, assholes — because you're gonna be crying as soon as you find out exactly how many calories are in that 78-ounce mango tangotini.

Have you been mindfully reading the nutrition labels on all the foodstuffs you plan on putting into your body, conscious, perhaps, of the CDC's finding that women who read labels have a lower average BMI than women who abstain from label-reading? Well, congratulations — you've been had once again by the fickle…

Bad news, um, mystery sex acrobats: Researchers have announced that, despite popular and enduring myths to the contrary, having sex does not burn a significant number of calories. In fact, it burns, like, eight. (Actually 21, on average. But basically eight.)

Here's the new Coca-Cola commercial, in which the brand brags about all it's doing to help people consume fewer calories: "Across our portfolio of over 650 beverages, we now offer over 180 low and no calorie choices," the narrator explains. If you like, you can also watch the new Coca-Cola commercial explaining how…

In an effort to educate consumers about the stark realities of carbonated syrup, soda giants are rolling out new vending machines that will prominently feature calorie counts. Coke, Pepsi, and Dr. Pepper will all launch their new machines in 2013, and also plan to focus aggressively on developing new diet drinks.

Micky D's is getting a jump on a national requirement that big restaurant chains post their menu items' caloric content. Starting Monday, whenever you walk, sashay, cartwheel, tap dance, mosey, crawl, or languidly roll beneath the golden arches, you'll be confronted by some cold, hard truths: single McDonald's food…

After Olympic officials on high Olympus held a symposium to debate the merits of allowing McDonald's, a notoriously unhealthy food purveyor, to peddle French fries at an event that features absurdly healthy superhumans, McDonald's has been trying to reassure skeptics the world over that its food can be part of a sort…

Congratulations, you're pregnant! Now go on a diet. "Wait, what?" you may whine pointlessly in protest. "I thought this was the one time I didn't have to diet. You know ‘eating for two' and all?" WRONG. A new review of medical research has determined that it's 100 percent safe to restrict ones calories during…

It may not surprise you to learn that the old formula of cutting 500 calories a day to lose a pound a week does not work for every person. Now scientists have come up with a new formula — all you have to do is convert your BMI into furlongs per fortnight, divide it by the circumference of the Earth in centimeters, and…

A study found that the 2008 New York City law requiring fast-food companies to post nutrition information on menus led to one in six customers ordering foods with fewer calories. This is being spun as a success, but there's evidence that the numbers are just bumming people out as they order their 1,600 calorie…

We recently learned of a new photo project by Peter Menzel and Faith D'Aluisio documenting individuals' daily meals across many countries. While the former post gave averages, the photographs in Menzel and D'Aluisio's new book, What I Eat, offer data points. What one person reported eating in one day. They are…

A trendy new doctor-prescribed diet makes use of pregnant women's pee. The daily injections of the hormone hCG (which is what makes that blue line appear on home pregnancy tests) combined with a 500-calorie-a-day diet is said to make women—who are paying upwards of $1000 for monthly consultations— lose weight rapidly.…

New changes to Weight Watchers' points-counting system make fruits and veggies point-free. Now members can eat those foods without having to include them in their daily diet tallies. Oh, but what if you don't like fruits and vegetables?

Researchers have found that the average calorie count per Joy of Cooking recipe has jumped an average of 63 since the 1936 debut of the cookbook's first edition, mostly due to portion size. [UPI]