Samoyeds Are Good
In today’s Tweet Beat, I’m going to show you some Samoyeds. That’s it.
New York Will Get Paid Family LeaveÂ
New York City will be getting a minimum wage of $15, and the state will have paid family leave by the end of 2018 with…
Get Ready For Some Ultra-Crappy Olympic Figure Skating Coverage
If you were hoping against hope that you'd be able to enjoy the Sochi Winter Olympics this February, despite all the…
Boom: Four Steubenville School Officials Indicted in Teen Rape Case
This morning, Ohio's Republican Attorney General Mike DeWine announced the findings of a grand jury investigation into…
Sasha Obama Causes Nationwide Unicorn Sweater Shortage
On Sunday, Sasha Obama wore a sweater with a unicorn on it to a basketball game. By Thursday, unicorn sweaters had gone…
Albuquerque Voters Say 'Hell No' To Abortion Ban
Yesterday, a proposed ban on abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy was rejected by voters of Albuquerque. We're not…
Jackie O's Pink Suit Will Remain Hidden Away Until We're All Dead
Fifty years ago this week, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas as he rode in a motorcade…
Cofounder of Pinkberry Turns Out to Be a Bad, Violent Person
In case you missed it: this weekend, Young Lee, a cofounder of Pinkberry, was convicted of beating a homeless man in…
Smartphones Are Made for Giant Man-Hands
About a month and a half ago, after years of relentless Blackberry mockery from my plugged in coworkers, I did…
I'm Sorry For Making You Read Rielle Hunter's Hilarious Apology Letter
Well, America: you win. Rielle Hunter, who burned herself into the public's eyeballs after an affair with…
Gorilla Named Patrick Sent to Gorilla Therapy for Being a Sexist Jerk
Behold the majestic lowland ape. Marvel at his strength, his wildness. His complete inability to get along with ladies.
Ban on Female Fighters' Breast Implants Enacted For Douchiest Reasons
Last week, the Louisiana State Boxing and Wrestling Commission issued an "emergency rule" barring women who have breast…
Of Course Florida is Teeming With Herpes-Infected Monkeys
Casey Anthony, Disney condos, CSI: Miami, and now this. The state of Florida is apparently under threat from a small…
Sydney Leathers Chased Anthony Weiner Through a McDonald's Last Night
After netting only 5%(ish) of the vote in NYC's Democratic Mayoral primary yesterday, prolific sexter Anthony Weiner…
We're Just Minutes Away From These Two Women Changing News Forever
At 6 pm EDT today, the 9th of September in the Year Of Our Lorde Two Thousande Thirteene, Judy Woodruff and Gwen Ifill…
Abercrombie Declares 'Unnatural' Hairstyles Like, Totally Unacceptable
Last week, Abercrombie announced to its army of cologne-encrusted employees a new crackdown in the company's oft…
Anthony Weiner Still Possibly Maybe Probably Sexting [Updated]
For a guy who ostensibly lies a lot, Anthony Weiner is remarkably bad at lying. And, uh, answering questions.
Sexually Harassing Mayor Wisely Axed From Benefit for Rape Survivors
ICYMI: San Diego mayor Bob Filner was slated to deliver the keynote address at a benefit for survivors of military…
The Best ‘Zimmerman Car Rescue Was Totally Staged’ Conspiracy Theories
Someone send this guy a cape. Since George Zimmerman, who killed — BUT DID NOT MURDER — Trayvon Martin "rescued" a…
‘Royal Crier’ Who Announced Baby King's Birth Just a Freelance Weirdo
When that red-faced becostumed gentleman announced the birth of Prince William and Duchess Kate's baby boy by holding a…