Image: Bravo

Tabatha Coffey—breakout star of Bravo’s Shear Genius and host of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover—has emerged from the dank, cool cave in which she lives, taut and toned and buffed to a high sheen, ready to terrorize unsuspecting small business owners once again.

Perhaps having run out of ideas for television shows that are “new” and “fresh, the executives at Bravo rifled through the vault and came up with this: Relative Success with Tabatha, a show in which the aforementioned Tabatha takes her patented(?) brand of Australian tough love to a whole new audience: small business owners who also happen to be family.

The added twist of Tabatha acting as an ersatz family counselor is just enough to keep me riveted. Scream at me, Coffey! Tell me my business acumen is trash! Give me your opinions about why the concept for my 24-hour “real estate concierge” service makes absolutely no sense! Bury me in your sharp-tongued opinions and shower me with your platitudes about family, my blonde, alien queen!!

It’s hard to parse what exactly it is about Tabatha that makes the heart sing; is it her hair—never-moving, icy? Perhaps it’s her tough love, or her years (??) of expertise (???). Maybe it’s because everything she says, rude or otherwise, sounds that much ruder because she has an Australian accent, which the untrained American ear is only used to hearing from friendly crocodile hunters and groups of backpackers. This sounds like the aboslute worst idea—releasing Tabatha Coffeey and her platinum blonde swoop on people who would probably really like to see their business be successful—but no one asked me. Like the sucker I am, I’ll be watching.