Studio Brass Mull Releasing Super Gross NC-17 Cut of Fifty Shades Film

If you were worried that the theatrical release of Fifty Shades of Grey couldn’t possibly do the source material (lol) justice, some good news: the film’s producer hinted today that there may be two versions of the film released — a regular-ass R-rated version to which you can take your father-in-law or precocious tween stepdaughter (“Your mom is so lame. I’m the cool one.“) and a super gross NC-17 version to which you can take your tiny bullet-sized vibrator and sit alone in the dark watching fake S&M sex like a weirdo.

Here’s more, from Variety,

“It’ll be R, obviously it has to be R,” Brunetti told the site. “This is just my opinion and this doesn’t mean this is going to happen, but I always thought it would be really cool if we released the R version and then we had an NC-17 version that we released a few weeks later. So everybody could go and enjoy the R version, and then if they really wanted to see it again and get a little bit more gritty with it, then have that NC-17 version out there as well.”

The fact that Fifty Shades of Grey, that Twilight fanfic that was written on a Blackberry and has gone on to serve as jill off fodder for BDSM illiterate women who don’t dry up like the Sahara Desert when they read the words “OH GOSH!” in the context of nipple clamps, is being made into a movie— let alone a movie that producers expect people will see twice — is testament to the fact that America, as a population has terrible taste and, as a population, still is totally weird and repressed about sex.