Welcome to Would U?, an academic forum in which I share my gross crush of the week and ask if you, too, would bang that person.
It’s been a difficult summer, hasn’t it? Darkness, divorce, and Noel de Lesseps’ disappointing single “Covered in Pam” have all rendered us unmoored, bloated with melancholy. Luckily for everyone, Justin Bieber just got a brand new ‘do, and I’m wondering whether you would have sex with him?
This is a big moment, just to be clear, as Justin Bieber is the very essence of Would U?. If Would University had a required introductory course, unit 1 would be “The Biebs.” If Would University had a campus outside of our dirty hearts, it would be on a gigantic leaking ship off the coast of Ibiza, and there would be a statue of Justin Bieber on its prow.
So, would you do it?
What about now?Would you dry Justin Bieber’s disappointed tears backstage after he missed his marks at the VMAs, tracing his faint mustache hairs with your fingernails before taking him passionately in the backseat of Scooter Braun’s SUV? Would you lick Justin Bieber’s chest with an erotic glint in your eyes, like the Moldovan model in his “What Do You Mean?” video who’s getting death threats now? Would you hold him in your arms afterwards, assuring him that no, his new haircut did not make him look like Kate Gosselin, and no, his red carpet outfit did not make him look like an 8th grade teacher who was trying too hard on her first day at charter school?
The staff of Jezebel had some interesting thoughts on the matter:
Madeleine: Hard no.
Hillary: No, but I’d sleep with Shane from the L Word. What does that mean?
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