Stephen Miller Bloviates About the Untrustworthiness of Immigrants While Pretending That Hairline is Real 

On December 16, Stephen Miller headed over to Face the Nation to do some racism, presumably popping into Party City on the way for a discounted can of hairspray tinted the color of sadness.

Look, Stephen, I get it. There was a time in the late 1990s when I wanted to be blonde but couldn’t necessarily afford to stay blonde. That dark-rooted period of my life is stained by a sticky mist of L’Oreal root concealer. I wasn’t fooling anyone, and neither is that liquid merkin situation.

The only ongoing crisis you need to worry about right now is fading that scalp paint into your widow’s peak.