Sorority Style: "If You're Wearing Cheapo Shoes, Make Sure They Don't Look It"

IvyGate obtained a Pi Phi fashion guide for rushees, and it’s hilarious. Read on for Valerie Plame and Jennifer Garner’s sorority‘s official policy on jeggings, muffin top, camel toe, and when and when not to wear “hooker heels.”

If you’ve ever wondered why rush — the arcane series of rituals, events, and co-ordinated screaming that determines which rushees will be allowed to become pledges, and which will be thrown back into the general freshman moil, forever remembering the sting of rejection — seems to involve crowds of identically clad and coiffed girls milling around in heels, checking their identically-buffed-and-Frenched, regulation-length nails, it’s because there’s a uniform, stupid.

Rounds I and II of rush for the Cornell chapter of Pi Beta Phi are “Casual chic.” Which, naturally, demands more specific explanation, lest any of these adult women engaged in higher education labor under the delusion that they can dress themselves:

Bottoms:

Yes:

Medium-to-dark or black skinny or straight jeans

Dark skinny or straight cords

“Denim-legging” is appropriate as long as it’s done right: aka, not from American Apparel and worn with chic, cool chunky boots over them and a longer top. NO camel toe.

No:

Super “Flared leg” pants

Cropped pants. Ugh.

Bleached/very light or TORN jeans I don’t care if they’re in style.

Khakis

Leggings worn as pants

Muffin tops or extreme low rise!!

I don’t even want to contemplate a universe where the trompe l’oeil Lycra abomination known as jeggings rate as a Do (there is no “done right” when it comes to denim-cameltoetastic-leggings!), but cropped pants are a blanket Don’t.

Tops:

Yes:

Blouses: flowy, pretty material.

Sweaters or other long-sleeved shirts, V or Crew.

Cardigans (with longer tank top under preferably)

Blazers: Yes, please! I love a casual top with a cool boyfriend blazer over it

No:

Summer pattern/colors, too tight or too short shirts or blouses!

Low-cut

Sleeveless

Tank tops

Frumpy

Preferably no short sleeves — recommended: full coverage aka elbow length, 3/4 length, long, thin layers.

Why not just go ahead and say it? “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”

Shoes:

Yes:

Nice flats: Tory Burch, etc. More evening-ish, understated. Patent leather good.

Heels: mid-height. This round is still “casual”, so no sky-high hooker heels! I’m thinking mid-height Mary Jane heels, or mid-height chunky kate spade, etc.

Boots: love. Chunky or simple/elegant, heel on the lower side to flat. Worn OVER pants.

No:

Open-toed!

WHITE

Strappy

High-heeled/going out boots.

If you’re wearing cheapo shoes, make sure they don’t look it.

Guess they don’t believe in such a thing as winter white.

I can’t decide if that last diktat is actually a good guideline for life, or the most class-anxiety-inducing thing I’ve read all week.