Sorority Report #3: The Trouble With Black Peop- Uh, We Mean 'Randos'

Welcome to Sorority Report, a feature in which we celebrate the best and battiest of Rush Week emails from sororities. Part 1 extolled the virtues of Spanx. Part 2 sang the praises of Vaseline and warned sternly against “natural looks.”

Why are we here? I mean, we why are we doing this feature, the Sorority Report? Isn’t it just mean girlism and wanton sorority shaming? Aren’t we just baselessly mocking sororities for a few harmless makeup tips and some general behavioral guidelines? Aren’t I, as this email from a reader received last night suggests, kind of a bitch as well as a bitter old hag?

im not sure what could drive you to be so mean. were you rejected from all sororities in college? do you honestly hate women who take rational approaches towards being successful? do you hate women who like to succeed? do you also hate men who realize that looking presentable is required if you want to be successful in certain settings?

youre a bitch. i bet some poor, nice fucking girls in axo are freaking the fuck out during their FIRST WEEK OF CLASSES because your article now reigned hell on their sorority. i bet theyre having to deal with their nationals and will be getting shit on as a chapter for the next two fucking years. honestly fuck you.

YOU ARE A BITCH. YOU ARE WHAT SETS WOMEN BACK. YOU ARE THE REASON WOMEN WILL NOT BE SUCCESSFUL.YOU ARE THE REASON FEMINISM HAS A BAD NAME. again, fuck you.

I mean, yes, I am a nightmare hag and also fuck me, but furthermore: sororities are a big business. They cost serious, serious money to join, and they require an immense time commitment (some of that, it’s true, is spent on important charitable causes and volunteering). Additionally, as we’re seeing from these emails, sorority membership in many places comes laden with a variety of behavioral expectations, spoken and unspoken. Sisterhood isn’t just sisterhood, it’s a brand. And Greek women, through their actions and their appearances, are expected to promote the brand at all times.

Our next email shows that if you don’t uphold that brand at some schools, you’re in for a serious, slightly confused, somewhat racist talking-to. This one, sent in 2011, comes to us from the University of Arkansas’ Kappa Kappa Gamma: a member in a leadership position, whom we won’t identify, saw a Kappa shirt in a place she did not like, just before Rush. Here’s the email, sent out to the entire Kappa Kappa Gamma listserv:

So, I got this picture sent to me from an alum, who got it sent to her from a Chi-O. That’s super embarrassing. Never sell or give away kappa t-shirts to someone you don’t know. Rush and function shirts are okay to give to your guy friends, but nothing else. It actually violates a national rule to sell/give kappa stuff away. You don’t want to see some rando wearing the letters that you have worked so hard to wear, right?

With rush 3 weeks away, we definitely don’t want a stranger to be wearing a Kappa shirt, walking down the road, next to a liquor store.

Just be smart.

And here’s the picture:

The tipster who sent the email notes, “There is nothing wrong with the dude, in fact, he is holding a textbook and walking to the university bus stop.”

It’s not quite clear what our aggrieved sorority member saw that she didn’t like. I have a guess, though.