Once, when I was in college in the early 2000s, I thought slipping my expansive knowledge of Kenny Rogers lyrics into a completely unrelated conversation about a homework assignment would surely win me cool girl points with a ginger-bearded guy who intermittently attended my southern lit class. What that knowledge earned me was a weird look and a change of seats on his part, so I understand entirely Sophie Turner’s disappointment in the fact that purchasing a cigarette lighter wasn’t enough to spark (see what I did) a relationship with Matthew Perry.
Back in 2016, before she was Joe Jonas’s wife, Turner shot her shot with Perry while he rehearsed a play near her home, according to Vulture:
“In a new interview with Twitter, Turner revealed she tried to flirt with Perry with the help of some nicotine pals. “I would walk around the corner every day to go to my local Budgens, which is a great little supermarket, and I would walk around the corner every day and I would see Matthew Perry smoking a cigarette,” she recalled. “‘And I bought a lighter from Budgens so that I could walk up to him and offer to light his cigarette.’”
But when she approached Perry with the lighter, his smoke was already lit. The interview doesn’t say this, but I imagine her making awkward conversation while flicking her Bic at Perry to no avail, just like I paused for a laugh that never came after dropping my “Gambler” lyric. The intrepid Turner didn’t stop there. Instead, she tweeted: “Holy balls. Chanandler Bong himself is rehearsing his play right next to my home” in hopes that Mr. Bong might see her message and understand that she was interested.
Like my ginger-bearded might have been of 2005, he was not. Unlike Turner, the universe did not issue me a Jonas brother as a consolation prize.