Sonic the Hedgehog Is Getting His Teeth Fixed, You Monsters

Weeks after Twitter demanded its childhood be protected from the blight of human teeth on a CGI hedgehog, Paramount has announced that the Sonic the Hedgehog release date has been pushed back to February 2020 in order to better align Sonic with conventional spiny mammal beauty standards.

Some 31.7 million people have watched the film’s trailer on YouTube and agreed, loudly, that the creature’s teeth were unacceptable. Now Sonic, like everyone else who’d like a career in showbiz, is in some Beverly Hills dentist office getting veneers. Director Jeff Fowler announced via Twitter that no one need have unpleasant feelings about a video game rodent’s denticulation any longer: