Some Theories About How Barack Obama Got Out of Jury Duty

Image via AP.
Image via AP.

Barack Obama, now just a regular schmuck like you and me, is once again subject to the mundane civic exercises that we as Americans must endure, or at least do our best to avoid. Turns out that for all his successes as president, Obama was hiding another useful talent: getting out of jury duty.


Obama reported to the Daley Center in Cook County on Wednesday morning, where he immediately began hobnobbing with his fellow nobodies, shaking hands, and greeting people as his Secret Security detail issued snarled warnings that no one had better try to stand up.

Obama’s turn as a Well-Dressed Everyman was short lived, because he was immediately dismissed, the Chicago Tribune reports. The paper does not expand on how Obama wormed his way out of serving, which is curious, because I’ve since reviewed the Illinois Legal Aid guide pertaining to excuses, and I don’t think Obama fits any of them.

According to the guide, the best way to avoid jury duty is to prove that doing so will cause undue hardship, particularly whether it will adversely affect your job, business affairs, physical health, family situation or if you’re an active member of the National Guard.

Last I checked, Obama is essentially unemployed, giving him ample time to perform his civic duty. He’s obviously in good physical health, as indicated by all the kite surfing, and it’s clear his finances are in perfectly fine shape, what with the princely sum he’s making off his speeches. I did a quick investigation to find out if he’d secretly joined the National Guard, which would be a very exciting scoop for me, but I don’t see anything suggesting that’s the case.

CBS Chicago says he was picked for a panel that ultimately wasn’t needed. INTERESTING. An entire panel selected, then just told to go home? Just like that? OKEY DOKEY. My guess is that watching the former president grope around for an excuse about his schedule would have been too awkward for even the Illinois justice system to endure, so they concocted an elaborate scheme to get him off the hook, taking a few of his newfound waiting room friends with him.


They also say that lawyers don’t like to pick other lawyers for juries.

What’s your theory? Am I crazy? Sometimes the truth is crazy! Tell me your thoughts in the comments.


I wish lawyers didn’t like to pick other lawyers for juries. It’s never stopped them from choosing me. Four times serving out of five, and the time I was dismissed it was after the defense attorney asked who drank at least once a week and dismissed every woman who did.