Last night, a patron at an LA bar took it upon himself to question the sexuality of the star of Indiana Jones And The Murder Of Your Childhood Memories, referring to Shia The Beef as a “fucking faggot.” Bar fight!
The night ended with LeBeouf and the third grader who insulted him in handcuffs and Shia with a split lip. Both men declined to press charges, which disappoints me, as I firmly believe that people who suck at insults should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. “Fucking faggot,” guy? Really? That’s the best you can come up with, an insult that might be a little demoralizing to a middle school dodge ball loser in 1975? We live in a world full of ridiculousness and stupidity and overwrought Shia LeBeouf Acting Faces and you’re using sexuality as an insult? Is this still going on? Sir, you’re under arrest for lack of creativity to the point of causing distressing boredom. Your sentence is 20 days in jail so the streets can be cleansed of your tediousness. [Radar Online]
Jennifer Aniston admittedly doesn’t know how to dress herself, which explains why she’s been wearing the same black dress for the last 15 years and we’ve all just been embarrassed to say anything that questions her sartorial genius. I knew it. I am vindicated [Showbiz Spy]
Madonna has broken her agreement with the family of the girl she adopted from Malawi and they’re mad. [Daily Mail]
Justin Bieber has refused to appear at the Brit Awards unless they grant him a private audience with Rihanna. Just as Luke Skywalker’s mechanical hand foretold of his eventual turning to the Dark Side in the unmade final three chapters in Star Wars, so too does Bieber’s demanding of Rihanna foretell his own impending transformation. Spoiler alert: Justin Bieber’s entire career is actually Jabba the Hutt’s backstory. [Showbiz Spy]
Usher asked a crowd at a London concert if they would give him permission to fill Michael Jackson’s shoes, which is not only obnoxious and presumptuous, but also strange and misguided, like asking a bus driver in Boston for permission to be mayor of Des Moines. [ONTD]
Sarah Palin, who is an ignorant celebrity on par with the Real Housewives or a Bridalplasty recipient-to-be and not a viable political figure, said some stuff about the President. [NYT]
The Writer’s Guild Awards were doled out last night, and it looks like Inception and The Social Network took home top honors… or did you just dream that you went on Facebook and wrote that they took top honors? I guess you’ll never know [The Wrap]
Gabriel Aubry, the father of Halle Berry‘s daughter Nahla, insists that his daughter not be called “black.” [ONTD]
Halle Berry is upset that Gabriel Aubry got it on with Kim Kardashian and I’m upset that I know who two of these three people are and that they’ve all boned. It’s like I won Jerk Bingo. [Digital Spy]
Zsa Zsa Gabor has been released from the hospital again, weeks after having her leg amputated as the result of a blood clot in her leg. May her recovery be as fabulous and glamorous as a recovery can be. [TMZ]
Jamie Oliver‘s program has been dropped by LA Public Schools, probably because it’s called Sweet Christ, America, You Are Fat!. [Yahoo]
Yeah! Cancer party in the USA! Miley Cyrus has taken up smoking. [ONTD]
Naomi Campbell is on vacation with Some Scary-Looking Russian Dude in Some Place You Can’t Afford To Go. [Just Jared]
Clay Aiken was “never in the closet.” If anyone paid attention to the singer’s canon of radio hits, they’d know that he’s invisible and thus doesn’t need closets. He’s been watching you in your room. Like a ginger Edward Cullen. [ONTD]
Ben Affleck‘s career: sunny with a chance of failure. [Daily Mail]
Lindsay Lohan‘s attorney denies Lindsay stole that necklace, which is fairly reliable confirmation that she did, indeed steal the necklace. [CBS]
LCD Soundsystem announced that his last show ever will take place in April in New York. And the hipsters of the world will gather and cry triangle shaped tears of PBR as they wave their bony arms in time to Daft Punk Is Playing At My House while an insufferably pretentious Teddy Graham person who takes himself too seriously frowns at a laptop onstage. The world is indeed losing a treasure. [HuffPo]