Solange Makes First Appearance Since ElevatorGate and It Looks Staged

Illustration for article titled Solange Makes First Appearance Since ElevatorGate and It Looks Staged

Solange Knowles was photographed in public in New Orleans on May 14, 2014, with her boyfriend, director Alan Ferguson. The photographs only tell part of the story, so we're "forced" to use our own imagination and provide a possible narrative.

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ALAN: What are you thinking about?

SOLANGE: Um, I'm thinking about how the entire Internet has seen me KICK ASS. I was kickboxfighting in a couture gown like what. I win this week. Obviously.

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Illustration for article titled Solange Makes First Appearance Since ElevatorGate and It Looks Staged

ALAN: Are you upset?

SOLANGE: What? Nah! But there's a paparazzo hiding over there and I feel like it would be cool to seem emotional. I can pretend to have a little breakdown or something. Maybe you should hug me?

Illustration for article titled Solange Makes First Appearance Since ElevatorGate and It Looks Staged

SOLANGE: Perfect, perfect. Is the photographer still there? Is he getting this?

ALAN: Yep.

SOLANGE: Cool. Now let me see what folks are saying on Twitter.

Illustration for article titled Solange Makes First Appearance Since ElevatorGate and It Looks Staged
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SOLANGE: The #WhatJaySaidToSolange hashtag is HIGH-LARIOUS. And they changed my Wikipedia entry! "Jay Z's 100th problem." I'm going to put that on a business card.

Illustration for article titled Solange Makes First Appearance Since ElevatorGate and It Looks Staged
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SOLANGE: The best part? People think the video was real, and not an elaborate promotion to sell concert tickets orchestrated by the Beygency Illuminati. Just wait until the three of us reunite when I make a surprise appearance on stage. WE'RE GOING TO BREAK THE INTERNET.

Images via Splash.

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DISCUSSION

We should all make business cards based on our families' battles and feuds with us. Mine would be:

"Adis78: Wasn't supposed to be born."