Snooki Is Wiser Than I'll Ever Be

Regret is one of the more acute emotions, striking at the most inopportune times. A perfectly nice afternoon spent eating chips and French onion dip in front of the fan goes sideways after the mind wanders, revisiting that thing you said that one time or the job you didn’t take, but maybe, should have? Ah! That’s normal. But what if we didn’t do that and instead lived our lives like Snooki?

Nicole Polizzi has the healthiest attitude imaginable about the unsavory and publicly embarrassing incidents in her past, including but not limited to that one time she got arrested down the Shore for being shit-house drunk in public.

“No, that’s iconic,” Snooki said. “I’d never take that back.”

I had to consult the archives for what actually happened to lead to her brief arrest, and my memory was correct: she was drunk as a skunk. However, I could not remember what she was wearing. Thank god for the New York Daily News:

Photos taken before the arrest show Snooki walking along the boardwalk with cast members Guadagnino and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro. She was wearing a tight black-and-pink zebra-patterned T-shirt with the logo “I (HEART) SNOOKI.”

When she was arrested some time later, around 3:30 p.m., she was wearing an identical T-shirt that blared the word “SLUT” and large sunglasses that were falling off her bronzed face as officers escorted her to a police car.

Listen, 2010 was a different time, and I’m pretty sure now no one is out here wearing a shirt that says “SLUT”, but everything about the rest of this is, in her words, actually iconic. Say what you will about Jersey Shore, a television show that is perfect in so many ways, but know this: Snooki was pure id, dressed up in a spray tan and platform flip flops. She was (and is!) an inspiration.

(Additionally, the one thing Snooki does regret is the disastrous speech/toast she and the gals gave at Angelina Pivarnick’s wedding, which is something they shouldn’t have done at the wedding, but in the party van, or really, anywhere else.)

Anyway, apparently, the iconic arrest prepared her for being a good mom. “So I’m actually glad that I embarrassed myself and did all that stupid stuff because now I can, like, relax and be a classy mom,” she said. Yes! I agree! Snooki, at 33, is wiser than I ever will be. Thank you, Snooki. [Us Weekly]

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It’s been a very long year already and so that is why I could not remember that Ariana Grande married a real estate man named Dalton Gomez in May. And for some reason, this item makes it sound as if they’ve been married for longer than just over a month? Anyway, they’re still married, it was her birthday recently (Happy Saturn Return, girl, and good luck!) and here she is wearing a hat and a tiara kissing her lil’ mans.

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