Single British Women Start Planning Their Wedding As Zygotes

Maybe a lot of us, particularly when friends start getting married, idly consider what they would or wouldn’t like at their wedding — but mostly wouldn’t. That is a horrible color. Oh my God, those flowers smell like jizz trees. And AEROSMITH? I’d rather have my wedding song be that parrot singing “Let The Bodies Hit The Floor.” But it seems the mysteries of womanity extend far beyond “wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin'” and into the realm of “obsessin’ and hoardin’ and horrifyin’ onlookers.”

A UK website polled about 2,000 single women about their predilections for pre-planning their future wedding, which 59 percent of respondents said they had done. One in 10 women knew the dress they would wear, 55 percent knew the hair and makeup they wanted, 53 percent knew who their bridesmaids would be (not so weird!) and around 40 percent knew what they wanted bridesmaids to wear and the kind of engagement and wedding rings they wanted. 36 percent have also admitted to their pre-planning freaking the hell out of their boyfriends.

Of the one in 10 women who knew the dress, one third of them have admitted to buying it and tucking it away in their closet for an unsuspecting man friend to find and nervous-puke on. So this Inquisitr article’s headline, which states that one in three single women already own a wedding dress (AHHHHHH I SWALLOWED MY GUM) is quite misleading. Thank God.