Simone Biles's Self-Isolation Workouts Are Not Like Ours

Simone Biles, gold medalist and empress of the gymnastics world, must now live life as a normal person does, possibly for the first time since she back-handspringed out of the womb. With the postponement of the Olympics and closures of gyms and training facilities, Biles is sheltering in place and working out at home like the rest of us. This morning, for instance, Biles posted an Instagram boomerang doing a bit of light training in her living room—you know, very simple stuff anyone can do at home with just a mat, some bars, and some arm and core strength to rival Hercules.

While every other athlete and fitness influencer is maintaining their brand by streaming or posting “doable” home workouts—like the Bella Twins or Alex Morgan, all three of whom are working out while pregnant—Simone Biles continues to remind us that she doesn’t do doable. She’s above us now.

Biles is also, apparently, an efficient skateboarder, as she revealed in an Instagram story featuring her rolling down the sidewalk on what I believe is a mini-board while wearing black slippers. It is only a few seconds long, but has Tony Hawk ever been seen skateboarding in fuzzy slippers while filming himself? Don’t think so. Maybe Biles is just picking up a hobby to pass the time, or maybe she’s preparing for her post-gymnastics career as a professional skateboarder. Imagine the tricks that will be named after her once she perfects this sport—which will probably take at most three weeks because, I repeat, she’s Simone Biles. This is making my virtual workouts seem even more futile.