Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Simone Biles Keeps Winning

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Simone Biles, a gymnast so talented and legendary we ran out of ways to describe the full scope of her might during the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, has done it again.

On Sunday, Biles became the first woman in nearly 70 years to become a six-time U.S. all-around champion, having earned the national title in every championship since 2013 (except in 2017, when she took a post-Olympic year off). NBC points out that she “only won four of the five” gold medals this week, as opposed to her 2018 sweep. Truly a disappointment.

(TO BE CLEAR I AM JOKING SIMONE BILES IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE AND THE GREATEST GYMNAST OF ALL TIME.)

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In fact, not only did Biles make history by taking the championship, she made history on Sunday by becoming the first woman to land a triple twisting double somersault during her floor routine. It looks as wild as it sounds:

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And on Saturday, Biles managed to land a double-double dismount—double twist, double somersault—off the high beam. She is the first person ever to accomplish this, a feat which is absolutely mind-boggling to think about:

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Today I watched five episodes of Love Island, so I am equally accomplished, no need to clap.