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Should These Pants Be Allowed to Exist?

Illustration for article titled Should These Pants Be Allowed to Exist?
Screenshot: Zeynap Arcay

Olivia Culpo, a woman I’m told is famous but I don’t know what for, was seen outside Nobu, a restaurant I’m told is culturally significant, wearing the most horrendous pair of pants it has ever been my misfortune to behold. Culpo, who was photographed exiting the restaurant carrying a small dog—possibly a party favor—was wearing an all-black ensemble featuring a cropped turtle neck and high-waisted leather trousers with the hips cut out from designer Zeynep Arcay.

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The trousers are, to put it lightly, an affront to God Herself and begs not just the question would you wear these, but exactly how? The trousers are made with what appears to be a suffocatingly thick amount of leather with the only respite for one’s skin being the cutouts that fall right at the love handles.

For Culpo, who is thin and beautiful as a profession, these cutouts pose no issue and simply allow for a breeze in her upper hip region, which must be steaming hot from all that leather. But for the average consumer, who may be interested in purchasing the $1950 statement piece, those cutouts are impossible to navigate. Too much hip meat and your options are tucking all of the meat up into the upper waistband and hoping it doesn’t move, or shoving it into the lower waistband and hoping it doesn’t rise when you sit down like a baby monster shitting into a leather diaper.

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Whoever looked at this design and thought Women need this horrible high waist/low waist crossover in their lives needs to take a long hard look at themselves and return these pants to the Darren Starr-produced hellhole from whence they came. Give these to the fire!

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DISCUSSION

katiekeys
katie_keys

There is plenty of clothing that only looks good on certain types.

I’m much more concerned with killing the adult romper once and for all.