The Kardashians have given us so much. As a family, they’re a fabulous text on the trappings of modern American fame, and its erosion of one’s soul and moral fiber. With the pandemic overwhelming Los Angeles, at the behest of our terrible mayor’s insistence on protecting curbside restaurant dining over its residents, the Kardashians also provide for us a blueprint. Together, their various appearances at Nobu this summer are an excellent guide on what to wear when you are a celebrity en route to an overpriced sushi eatery, hungry for the flash of the paparazzi’s cameras.
I cannot understate it enough how low the Kardashians have set the bar for their combined fashion prowess. Even with Kylie Jenner and Kimmie Kardashian’s talent for jacking everything Rihanna and Naomi Campbell have ever worn, they still have yet to learn just what a proper outfit is, or how to style themselves. If more of us followed the laws Kim has set for herself in the wardrobe department, we’d all be wearing snakeskin pants and neon bras with chunky leather blazers, while our mom followed behind us in a suit she’s owned since 1983.
With all of them working so hard to dress the absolute ugliest they possibly can amid the pandemic, I figured it best to honor their dedication to the cause by condensing it into an easy to follow, step-by-step instruction manual. Remember: No matter what you might wear to Nobu, just remember to wear a mask! I’m watching, and waiting. Enjoy!