Shocking: Woody Allen's New Movie Revolves Around a Sad Man & His Penis

A middle aged man and his neuroses. A young free-spirited woman who inexplicably admires him. A lot of nervous rambling. Yes, my sweets: the new Woody Allen joint is about to arrive!


Irrational Man is the story of an impotent philosophy professor (Joaquin Phoenix) who can neither get erect nor find the will to live until meeting a young student, played by Emma Stone. How did Allen come up with such a unique and novel idea? Well, whuddya know, we have the transcript of the Irrational Man pitch meeting right here!


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artemis.floyd rides again

Woody Allen movies are essentially Nicholas Sparks novels for pseudo-intellectuals (or for a better visual, Woody Allen movies are essentially Nicholas Sparks novels with hipster glasses on): they’re formulaic, predictable, enforce shitty sexist stereotypes, are a little squicky, take themselves far too seriously, revolve around desperately boring white people, and accomplish nothing.

And yet somehow, some way, people still routinely throw boatloads money at these jerkoffs to continue to shill their swill, because profit. Hollywood, everyone!