In this week’s Shade Court, we have a rapper feuding with a Kardashian, a beauty editor giving her fond buh-bye, and E! Online continuing to troll me with their misuse of English.
Shade Court Docket #2015JZ000065
The Case: Tyler, The Creator performed at Coachella last weekend. During his set, he called out all the people located in the exclusive, VIP section directly in front of the stage for being “boring” and “too cool.” One of those people was Kendall Jenner.
“Kendall Jenner here thinking she cute and s—t,” he added. “Hey, Kendall, Kendall, Kendall—I’m over here to your right—f—k you.”
The Defendant: E! Online
The Deliberation: Screaming “fuck you” at someone onstage at one of the biggest music festivals in the country is shade in the same way that Iggy Azalea is a competent rapper. At this point, I think E! Online might just be trolling me, because WHAT THE HELL.
I would actually be perfectly fine with that. I’d actually prefer it, because then it would mean that their constant and gross misuse of “shade” was conscious and not simply the end result of E! being a company comprised of trend-chasing robots who haven’t been rebooted in four years.
I will say, however, that Kendall’s reaction to the incident certainly had some shady elements to it. She responded by posting the video of Tyler going off on her to her Instagram, which at least proves that she can laugh at herself and is possibly the least ain’t-shit person in that entire family (minus the babies).
The Ruling: Not shade
Shade Court Docket #2015JZ000066
The Case: (Now former) BuzzFeed Beauty Editor Arabelle Sicardi found herself in the center of a storm of bullshit when her employer deleted a post she had written because it was “not consistent with the tone of BuzzFeed Life.” BuzzFeed did eventually reinstate her post, but the damage was done. On Monday, Sicardi and BuzzFeed announced that she would be leaving the site. While BuzzFeed shared this information through an internal memo, Sicardi went a different route.
The Defendant: Arabelle Sicardi
The Deliberation: The key component of this evidence is the fact that she used a Rihanna gif. Very few people are able to clap back and shade with the force of Rihanna, so clearly Arabelle knows what she’s doing here. Additionally, the use of the phrase “formal statement” combined with nothing else but a gif lets the world know exactly how much time she put into preparing for this—and it ain’t a lot.
Further, she didn’t use one of Rihanna’s more obviously rude gyal gifs. Here, Rihanna is smiling—sort of—and prancing away looking like the bad bitch empress that she is. That’s a look that says: “I know that you know how dope I am. Your loss, boo.”
Rihanna is basically Arabelle’s shade proxy. Both of them rise to the occasion.
The Ruling: Shade
Shade Court Docket #2015JZ000067
The Case: Young Thug is a rapper. Lil Wayne is also a rapper. Lil Wayne is a rapper who likes to name many of his albums Tha Carter [insert number here]. Lil Wayne is due to release Tha Carter V sometime this year. Not long ago, Young Thug announced that he had titled his upcoming mixtape, Carter 6.
In an Instagram post that has since been deleted, Young Thug went after Lil Wayne after apparently receiving a threat of legal action.
In the latest round of words fired, Thug told Wayne without mentioning him by name, “If you’re going to be a founder or a leader and respect when people look up to you be that. If you’re going to criticize, be that. But don’t mix your feelings n—-a, that shit weak.” Young Thug’s Carter 6 will now be called Barter 6.
The Defendant: The Fader
The Deliberation: Clearly The Fader thought that the simple non-mention of Lil Wayne’s name was enough to constitute shade. We do know what an obvious omission of the shade-receiver’s name can be one important component of shade, but it takes a bit more than that.
Also, they’re ignoring the actual shade in this situation. Naming his album Carter 6 in the first place is pretty damn shady. But the fact that he then decided to change the title to BARTER 6! How do you fail to call attention to that? While the move is a little on the nose, it is HILARIOUS and is by far the most shady part of this entire feud.
Let this dumbass fight serve as a glorious counterpoint the next time someone accuses women of being the only ones who fight over petty bullshit.
The Ruling: Not shade
Shade Court Docket #2015JZ000068
The Case: The Knicks are a terrible basketball team located in New York City. The Nets are a somewhat less terrible basketball team also located in New York City. This year, the Nets are going to the playoffs while the Knicks have to watch the games on their 90-inch television screens from their oversized man-couches.
The CEO of the Nets, Brett Yormark, decided to mark this occasion with an email to fans expressing his excitement.
We want to thank the Brooklyn community and the entire fan base for your unwavering support. You are instrumental in the team’s success and have helped us advance to the playoffs each year we’ve been in the borough. Brooklyn is the only place to catch playoff basketball in New York, and we are excited to see you at Barclays Center.
The Defendant: Bleacher Report
The Deliberation: What’s nice about this is that technically he is right. Right now, Brooklyn is the only place to watch playoff basketball in New York City. Seeing as how everyone in New York knows how bad the Knicks are, this didn’t really need to be said, but there it is.
Being in a position to throw shade by simply repeating a true fact is rare, but when it occurs, it’s hard to go wrong. Simple, effective and shady—I approve.
The Ruling: Shade
Images via Getty, New York Knicks, Brooklyn Nets, Buzzfeed, Rolling Stone, Arabelle Sicardi’s Instagram. Top image by Tara Jacoby, featuring the shade artist at a young age.
Contact the author at email@example.com .