There are so many kinds of jeans, that Dr. Seuss himself would have no trouble filling a book called New Jeans, Old Jeans, White Jeans, Blue Jeans. And on the page where he mentions “frayed-hem mayhem,” you’d find a photo of a furry Seussian character throwing a pair of blue jeans into a blender in a desperate attempt to be more fashionable than everyone else.

Friday, Racked published a story about how to style frayed-hem jeans. When wearing a pair that “flaunts a full four inches of fray,” they suggest a “special shoe” that properly complements all that dying denim, such as a “copper leather, ‘70s-inspired heels by Madeline Poole for Madison Harding.” OK! Sounds cute. But how do you get frayed-hem jeans in the first place?

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You could buy them pre-frayed, of course, but who wants to spend money on unfinished clothes? Based on zero experience either fraying denim or making good sartorial decisions, I’ve created a guide to fraying the hems of your jeans at home.

  1. Find a pair of jeans you wouldn’t mind accidentally setting on fire.
  2. Turn on Hailee Steinfeld’s “Love Myself” and play at the highest volume on your music machine of choice.
  3. Remove the pitcher from your blender, dump the melted, day-old margarita out into your sink. (If it’s after 5:00, drink the margarita instead.)
  4. Lower the hems of your jeans into the blender so that the tip of the denim gently grazes the blades.
  5. Pulse the blender to the beat of Hailee Steinfeld’s “Love Myself” while slowly lowering the jeans further into the pitcher.
  6. When you’ve reached your desired amount of fray, remove the jeans from the blender.
  7. Put the jeans on.
  8. Clean the blender.
  9. Make more margaritas.
  10. Start Hailee Steinfeld’s “I Love Myself” over again and drink a margarita.

Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

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