Serena Williams, the undisputed Queen of Tennis and quite possibly the baddest woman on the planet, is engaged to Reddit cofounder Alexis Ohanian and hopefully one day it’ll all make sense.
The pair have been linked together since last fall after Serena and Drake ended their brief but culturally important dalliance. They seem to have kept a rather low profile, at least publicly.
Serena announced the news on, (*groan*) Reddit, in the form of a poem:
I came home
A little late
Someone had a bag packed for me
And a carriage awaited
To escort me to my very own “charming”
Back to where our stars first collided
And now it was full circle
At the same table we first met by chance
This time he made it not by chance
But by choice
Down on one knee
He said 4 words
From what I can gather, Ohanian packed her things and shipped her off on an international flight—during which I’m guessing she had time to figure out what was to come. She was then whisked to the location of their first meeting and then, I hope, after a long monologue about his and every other man’s general unworthiness for her company and attention, he took his shot and popped the question.
In case that wasn’t clear, Williams included an illustration of the historical moment, in which she and Ohanian are depicted as robots (????? I think ????) [Ed. note: Kara has never been on Reddit]. It seems safe to assume that the diamond in the picture is scaled accurately.
Soon after, her fiancé confirmed the news on Facebook.
Lotta technology involved here.
OK, you crazy kids! I swear to god, Mr. Alexis Ohanian, if you hurt Serena in any way, shape, or form, you’re gonna need more than the teen trolls lurking within the walls of your website to save you. Good luck to the couple—I wish you both nothing but happiness.
Also, somebody please go check on Drake.