Do you remember...laughter? I did not, which has been great for my face wrinkles but less so for my soul, which in the last several years has cracked and withered to such an extreme degree that even the finest plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills could do nothing to plump it back up.

Advertisement

But John Early, or more specifically, his alter-ego, Amy Schumer-wedding officiant Vicky with a V, has put the “fun” back in “we’re all going to die” with a new, excellent Bernie Sanders endorsement.

After recounting an uninsured health saga involving a boil “about the size of a hushpuppy,” Vicky goes on to make several compelling points about why Sanders is the right choice for president:

“I want my daughter to live in a country where she’s guaranteed quality healthcare whether she’s some fancy CEO with shoulder pads or she’s struggling to find work like her father,” Vicky says. “And I want my daughter to grow up under the Green New Deal, honey, so that there’s a chance in hell she’ll see a fish in the ocean after 2050.”

Advertisement

As for the argument that Sanders is just an old man yelling at clouds, Vicky has a response for that, too.

“Everyone’s always talking about, you know, ‘I don’t like it when Bernie’s yelling. He’s always yelling. What’s he yelling about?’ He’s yelling about racial justice and billionaires paying their fair share of taxes, okay? Someone’s got to yell about that! That doesn’t sound like rage to me. That sounds like love,” Vicky says, taking a long sip of her second (third?) tequila cran.

Listen to Vicky, honey.

Night blogger at Jezebel

Share This Story

Get our newsletter