Shows like The Masked Singer and Sexy Beasts might be trying to keep their furry-adjacent programming as not filthy as possible, but not! On my watch...
On Saturday, Hollywood Life released the first image of The Skunk, one of the new costumes that some myyyyystery celeb will be wearing on the upcoming sixth season of The Masked Singer. She’s beautiful and sophisticated—a true woman of today! The men want her, the women want to be her, and the nonbinary contingent wants to ask her if she’s got any room for them at her Cherry Grove house next year.
Enter the Octopus, revealed by Entertainment Tonight on Friday. He’s tall. He looks rich. He’s got tentacles for fingers. I want the best in life for Mrs. Skunk, and that obviously includes her inducting the Octopus into the painfully petty interpersonal dynamics of her unthinkably toxic polycule.
I just think these two would hit it off! And by hit it off, I mean have sex so disgusting and filthy that Society At Large would have no choice but to ban sex in response.
So, dear readers of Jezebel dot com, which Masked Singer characters do you think would have horrible wonderful se—this prompt is terrible. I’m so sorry. Please ignore it and have a good night.