Saturday Night Social: The Night Belongs to Amy Blue

Illustration for article titled Saturday Night Social: The Night Belongs to Amy Blue

It’s Rose McGowan’s birthday, so what better way to celebrate than with this deliciously violent clip from Doom Generation, a movie which beautifully embodied ‘90s teenage attitude.

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Rose played Amy Blue, and she had the most perfect bob.

Happy Saturday!


Contact the author at marie.lodi@jezebel.com.

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So I went on the worst date ever the other night. I mean it wasn’t actually that bad. Good things-

1. The dude is really really ridiculously good looking.

2. I was certainly not ever bored and the conversation flowed really well.

3. I made out with him a lot and that was nice.

As for the bad things... well. Let’s get some back story first-

I got pretty ballsy with how I asked this guy out. I am new to the world of casual sex but I think I could get into playing the field. At one of my current jobs I work as a receptionist. There is this pizza guy who delivers to the hotel sometimes and he is seriously SUPER DUPER HOT. The front desk gets cards from the deliver guys when they get calls from the guests and if we rack up enough cards we can get a free pizza. So whenever this super hot deliver guy dropped off my order he was always really nice and flirty with me and liked to give me stuff for free and wouldn’t accept my tips, etc. etc. So I mean, you know, I started requesting him. I’d order a pizza and I’d be like, “I need this ti be delivered by the hot delivery guy because of reasons, k? Thanks.” And then one day he called me gorgeous and it sealed the deal for me. And then it was just a challenge. I AM GOING TO BANG THIS PIZZA BOY IF IT KILLS ME. So the next time he brought me a pizza I went hard and was all, “So I don’t have enough cards but I can give you six and my number. Hows that work for you?” And he seemed into it and then like immediately sent me a text within the hour. In my head I was all, ‘Oh, it is on.” I send everyone I know a text that basically just said, “I AM ABOUT TO BANG THE HOTTEST DUDE EVER.”

So Thursday night we meet up for drinks. Right off the bat he drops the bomb that he has a 1 and a half year old daughter. In my head I’m like, “That’s OK. I like kids. No biggie. I can deal with this. I can make it work. I don’t even care. Doesn’t effect me in the least. Whatever. I’m not even bothered by this at all. Pfffft. Whatevs. It’s chill.”

BUT HE DOESNT STOP THERE YOU GUYS.

He then proceeds to tell me that that he on probation. For a burglary charge.

Oh and also he still lives together with his baby mama. As in they live. Together. In a house. With each other. Raising their daughter. Together. But they are not actually... together. Supposedly. He says anyway.

????!!?!???!??!!!!???!!??

And then he starts to tell me about how Donald Trump would make a great president.

Yep.

So as the date goes on we drink more, he brings out a pipe (because OF COURSE he does), we smoke weed, and I am just sitting there in amazement at the sheer entertainment of this train wreck of a social interaction well into the night. And then it just becomes whatever. It couldn’t really get any worse. And yet he is still really hot. Like really really hot. He is 6’4 and have an impeccably groomed beard. He has blue eyes. He is 6’4. He is really hot, OK?

So we make out. A lot.

And then I am just like fuck it. YOLO or whatever. Start telling him I wanna come home with him. He politely turns me down. Says he doesnt wanna bring women home when hes got a little girl in the house blah blah blah. I tell him he can come home with me. He says he respects me to much to do that or something yadda yadda yadda.

It start become suspicous that the baby mama that he is not in a relationship with is not actually aware that they are not in a relationship. (GEE YA THINK?)

And then it just becomes a game for me. How far can I push him and have him still say no? And the answer is pretty damn far because in the end I did not in fact bang him. And I have to say, I feel pretty jipped. I mean it’s not really fair. I put up with a lot. I shaved the entire lower half of my body for this dude. I listened to him talk about basket ball for 15 mintues stait. I WORKED FOR THIS, YOU KNOW? And I didn’t even get laid?

So now its hard for me cause I feel like a failure. I still kinda want to bang him because it would feel like such an achievement, but I dunno.

I mean this guy is shady, right? I mean, yes I am sure that people can have chill platonic relationships with their ex-SOs. But this guy is totally still in a relationship with this woman, right? Tell me this whole thing doesn’t seem fishy as fuck. But at the same time, its like, if you are going to lie about being a relationship why not just make it a convincing lie and go the whole ten yards and lie about the whole existence of the baby and the baby mama, you know? So... At least he was honest about that...?

He is just really really really hot though.

TLDR- should I bang this really hot pizza delivery dad who might actually kinda be in a relationship just because I will probably never get the opportunity to bang a guy this hot ever again?

P.S. You got bad date stories to match mine? Please share and make me feel better about myself!