I’ve been thinking about Mrs. Doubtfire a lot these past few days. Why? Well, to my great dismay, every time someone says “hello” to me lately I hear Robin Williams en five-second femme saying “HEH-LEUWEEEE” echo in my head. I really don’t like it, but it’s now the circumstances in which I live. So, why feel shame when I could simply acknowledge this unexpected but valid aspect of my identity (woman who hears Robin Williams say “HEH-LEUWEEEE” every time someone says hi to her) and move on? Isn’t that what LGBTQ+ pride (hearing Robin Williams say “HEH-LEUWEEEE” every time someone says hi to you counts as “+”) is all about?
Anyway, due to my beautiful new affliction, I’ve started to wonder what a sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire might look like. Can you imagine? Mrs. Doubtfire: The Squeakquel, 2 Doubt 2 Fire, Son of Doubtfire, Mrs. Doubtfire 2: Diarrhea Still Forever... Look at all these potential titles for a sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire—each one better than the last. Medically speaking, this film must get made.
After some googling, I’ve learned that apparently they were trying to make a sequel to the 1993 Chris Columbus feature, but that it was understandably shelved following Williams’ death in 2014. “We were involved with it because it was something Robin and I always talked about,” the director told Entertainment Weekly a few years ago. “We said for years that we would never do it... Then somebody came up with a really interesting idea, and we agreed to develop a script.”
Since I have no clue what that “really interesting idea” actually was, I can only make an educated guess:
The year is 1995. The Hillard family (all played by their original actors, albeit realistically de-aged thanks to modern technology—except Williams’ Daniel, of course, who will be played by Billie Lourd) are living happily in San Francisco when an earthquake strikes. A race against the clock, they must make their way to the Bay Area’s famous Bay where a fleet of ships provided by the Navy are waiting to rescue them. “Thank you, Navy!” they all say as the credits roll. Mara Wilson’s character says her famous catchphrase “Diarrhea forever??” a total of seven times. Harvey Fierstein’s character is rewritten as an amateur earthquakeographer. No one does drag.
Brad Pitt, if you’re reading this: Give me $90 million to make this. Thanks.