Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Saturday Night Social: Joyce Carol Oates…Please……No Feet on Main……

Illustration for article titled Saturday Night Social: Joyce Carol Oates…Please……No Feet on Main……
Photo: Kenzo Tribouillard/AFP (Getty Images)

If I’ve learned anything over the past 22 years of using the internet, it’s that you never—and I mean never!!—give away foot pics for free. Someone somewhere will pay good or at least adequate or perhaps simply some money for photos of your perpendicular leg terminals, so please, surrogate children for the children I cannot physically conceive: Never post a photo of your foot on social media without first cropping or blurring it out!


Apparently, Joyce Carol Oates never got the memo. The National Book Award-winning author and Pulitzer Prize finalist tweeted a picture of her foot on Saturday without even trying to get some money from it first.

I mean, she’s like a famous lady! She probably could’ve gotten real money for that. Like, boat money! She could’ve bought a boat and called it “Joyce Carol Boat.” Just spitballing here.


Anyway, I’ll spare you the actual photo since her foot is covered in what appears to be a bunch of boils(??) and bruises(?!). “[It’s] so important to wear proper hiking shoes,” Oates captioned the pic. “Never ever walk in the woods in sandals. The instep of my left foot this morning—poison ivy? Poison oak? [I] must’ve stepped in something.”

In lieu of embedding the actual foot pic—which you can see by clicking here, you freak—I’ll instead embed this video of Marissa Cooper freaking out on The O.C., which is how yon Joyce Carol Footpic made me feel.

Thankfully, Oates says she has sought treatment that appears to be helping. “I have subsequently seen a doctor, [I] am taking antibiotics, and [I] have steroid cream.”

“Also had a tetanus shot,” she added. “Pain and itching have subsided. Moral is: proper footwear!”

I think my lesson is a better, but fine.

Freelance journalist (GQ, Esquire, Out, elsewhere), here on weekends

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


Krispy Porkchops

Shelter Cat Update!

Hi all. If you normally read this update on Fridays at Groupthink, I apologize. My chronic pain was triggered Thursday night and I woke up in agony yesterday morning, so I did the only thing I could - slept all day. I jusyt posted over there:

In the meantime, LOOK WHO I GOT TO SEE TODAY!!!! WYNN!! His humans brought him to the shelter for a vet visit, and I got to say hello and give him some lovin’. I played his favorite lullaby so he’d know who it was, and he just sank into my scritches. He feels incredible! His fur is *so* thick and soft and healthy. He was *very* well behaved for the vet, and when he gets home, he’s going to be introduced to his room - a *corner* room with lots of windows and perches.

I’ll just drop this here:

Murder Muffin says “Hi”.

Donegal, Shane and Kipper are getting along swimmingly next door. Shane isn’t the only one obsessed with Kipper’s tail.

So I said to BenBen, “Penguin wants me to give you a scritch,” and he said, “Bring it.” So I did.

Coral is such a gentle sweetie, but in a big room all by herself. So I gave her some extra TLC.

So there’s a room I never visited for the longest time. Until this week. It has two kitties in it: Luna,

and Nala. I texted my supervisor and said, “People have told me that irritable and hard to approach (This is a fact). True?” And she texted back, “Yes.”

So I sent these pics and said, “Seemed okay to me.”

I’m such a tease. Plus, chalk up another success for Lullaby Therapy.

Need some help with those? No problemo.

I think Katniss wil be snapped up quickly.

In the meantime, I have titled this, “Kittens Gonna Kitten.”

Payday now lets me bypass the cheek scritch and go directly to body petting.

Really wondering if Finn understands how cat beds work.

Helvetica is learning to relax more, while Gill has graduated from looking scared while semi-covered in blanket to looking scared with *no* blanket. Proud of that boy.

Plush is doing just fine, TYVM.

BTW, here’s a little tdbit: I went back through my photos and discovered that Plush had two normal-looking eyes when he joined us. But then the left one turned red and started to shrink. The vet couldn’t determine what was wrong with it, but it was clearly painful to Plush. So that’s why it was removed.

Some kitties in the transition Room were just BEGGING for attention, so I gave in.

Dudley, who has the widest range of pitiful sounds I have ever heard from a single kitty.


And Martha, a very proper lady.

Tiger and Griffin! Making progress! Tiger was spotted in the window on Monday!

And Griffin is getting bolder as well! She stepped out of bed to receive a tummy rub one day,

and watch traffic the next day,

and hop down to the bench to say hello to Cat Whisperer the next day!

But still gets jealous of the attention Tiger gets. Bleah!

The sheets are gone from the windows of Platypus and Thunder’s room. Platypus is bolder than Thunder, who plays casual but is still hesitant to approach.

Aerol is a huge, and friendly, furball.

Allison the tripod waits impatiently in her window until I visit.

And Art and I have a new ritual: Head Butting.

There can never be enough pictures of Art’s Biscuit Making.

Oh, he does have an extra toe on his hind foot!

Finally, some wisdom from the master: