If I’ve learned anything over the past 22 years of using the internet, it’s that you never—and I mean never!!—give away foot pics for free. Someone somewhere will pay good or at least adequate or perhaps simply some money for photos of your perpendicular leg terminals, so please, surrogate children for the children I cannot physically conceive: Never post a photo of your foot on social media without first cropping or blurring it out!
Apparently, Joyce Carol Oates never got the memo. The National Book Award-winning author and Pulitzer Prize finalist tweeted a picture of her foot on Saturday without even trying to get some money from it first.
I mean, she’s like a famous lady! She probably could’ve gotten real money for that. Like, boat money! She could’ve bought a boat and called it “Joyce Carol Boat.” Just spitballing here.
Anyway, I’ll spare you the actual photo since her foot is covered in what appears to be a bunch of boils(??) and bruises(?!). “[It’s] so important to wear proper hiking shoes,” Oates captioned the pic. “Never ever walk in the woods in sandals. The instep of my left foot this morning—poison ivy? Poison oak? [I] must’ve stepped in something.”
In lieu of embedding the actual foot pic—which you can see by clicking here, you freak—I’ll instead embed this video of Marissa Cooper freaking out on The O.C., which is how yon Joyce Carol Footpic made me feel.
Thankfully, Oates says she has sought treatment that appears to be helping. “I have subsequently seen a doctor, [I] am taking antibiotics, and [I] have steroid cream.”
“Also had a tetanus shot,” she added. “Pain and itching have subsided. Moral is: proper footwear!”
I think my lesson is a better, but fine.