Oreos are fantastic. They are crunchy, sweet, but not too sweet, and just a tad salty. They make a fantastic topping for ice cream and contain so little actual food that they’re accidentally vegan. Pickles are...fine and currently the darlings of the culinary world. But pickle Oreos, Oreos containing a vinegar-soaked cucumber sandwiched in with the vanilla cream filling, are an abomination, surely the work of a madman just hoping to create chaos where once there were rules and order.
That madman is apparently called Grandpa Joe, who also goes by Bill Kelly, owner of Grandpa Joe’s Candy Shop, who explained how this monster came to life in the Dayton Daily News:
“We took an Oreo cookie, took it apart, put a very thin slice of pickle in the middle, put the Oreo back to together, then covered it in chocolate. Cause everything is better covered in chocolate!!!!!! The pickle taste is a hint of pickle, it’s not overpowering.”
A hint of pickle. By why, Grandpa Joe, why?
It is the question that haunts me, leading my unquiet mind to the perverse funhouse wallpaper inviting me into Grandpa Joe’s twisted carnival of an online store, my cursor hovering over the order button on a $9 Pandora’s box containing three Oreos with gherkins trapped inside. Do I dare? Someone save me. Or at least, look away from the pickle cookies. Save yourselves.