Image: Getty

Watching Beaches and weeping has been a hobby of mine for over three decades, and I cannot express how thoroughly it tickles me to see that Bette Midler has been living in a mash-up of C.C. Bloom’s and Hilary Witney’s houses all this time.

Midler’s 7,000 square-foot Upper East Side mansion looks like the set of any movie made from 1982-1992 about a big-city career woman who learns what really matters (usually friendship or motherhood, occasionally romance) in tragic-comic circumstances, and it is goddamn glorious. Look at these wall hats:

Screenshot: Brown Harris Stevens

Check out those black and gold banisters with matching high-gloss-topped stairs:

Screenshot: Brown Harris Stevens

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I love. I want it. Unfortunately, I do not have the $50 million to procure it and would not be able to come up with the $25k necessary for yearly monthly (sorry, my eyes originally registered that detail, yet my fingers refused to type it) maintenance fees. Would 10,000 of you be interested in starting a commune?

Tell me your favorite scenes from Beaches. It’ll keep you honest.