It has come to my attention that the latest cool and fun trend for those looking to change their looks for the summer is an outright lie perpetuated by the beauty industry. Reader, beware: salmon sushi hair is NOT REAL. Do not fall for this shit!!
While the hair in question looks nice, it does not look like salmon. It looks like hair—pink hair that could be mistaken for rose gold or tangerine or smoked peach from a distance. Up close, it’s the same shit! It’s hair! Dyed pink! Though this irks in a very specific way, a brief dive into the murky world of Instagram hair trends revealed unicorn Frappucino hair, geode hair and “opal” hair—three color stories that are essentially variations on the same goddamn theme. No need to be cute about it because being cute about it makes the entire thing worse.
“I love your pink hair!” says a well-meaning stranger passing you on the street.
“IT’S NOT PINK, IT’S SALMON SUSHI HAIR WITH ROSE GOLD HIGHLIGHTS YA DUMB B,” you shriek, as you take a big swig of water from your extra-large marble S’well bottle, striding with righteous anger and purpose towards the subway or the nearest Starbucks.
If you just acknowledged that your hair was pink, you’d be good to go! Crisis averted!
Pink hair is fun because making your hair different colors is your right, but why would you want your hair to resemble raw fish? As Jezebel’s own Julianne Escobedo Shepherd pointed out to me, salmon sushi hair is kind of dark. If we’re working with mermaid hair as an established trend, the salmon sushi hair is technically the hair of a murdered mermaid. It’s dead mermaid hair. Technically, dead mermaid tail hair, but on your head. Do you want that? Do you want their mythical blood on your hands?
