Salad Lovers Now Have Their Very Own Sneeze-Guarded Dating App

Illustration for article titled Salad Lovers Now Have Their Very Own Sneeze-Guarded Dating App

People hook up in salad bars now, thanks in no small part to a dating site (and now app) called Salad Match. This is just the future we live in, a future where advanced communications technology is being used not to exchanged baking recipes with advanced alien civilizations or decode the orcas’ secret language, but to help people who enjoy bowls of mixed vegetable matter find each other across a modern dating hellscape of craigslist handjob ads and insane first-date contracts. Accept it, embrace it — the world is a dewy head of romaine waiting for your fingers to tear it into small, chewable pieces.


Onward and upward — the New York-based fast-casual salad restaurant called Just Salad has apparently functioned as pretty popular dating bazaar for a while now. Not content to have the salad market cornered with its hands and baby carrot fingers up, Just Salad launched a dating site called Salad Match back in 2010. That was fine and everything, but it wasn’t mobile enough for people seeking out that quick salad connection, so now there’s an app that connects directly into a salad lover’s Facebook profile and suggests eligible salad tossers based on a Venn diagram of shared salad preferences.


When one gets a salad match, all that remains before a rendezvous in front of the sneeze guard is a mutual “Yes,” as in, “Yes, I too enjoy spinach-based salads whose leaves have been only lightly rinsed so that they still taste of the farm, dressed with Craisins, walnuts, and some sort of odiferous cheese. Maybe bleu, but I’m spontaneous, so maybe we’ll just skip the bleu cheese and proceed directly to some hand play behind the salad bar.”


Image via Anna Maltseva/ Shutterstock.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


If I weren't married, I wouldn't turnip my nose at this. It's not that rad-ish. Lettuce remember that a peasful relationship often starts with two people who share the same raisin-d'être. So what if most people ham it up online? When it's time to talk turkey, they mayo find that can put all that crock behind them. Soon they could be un-dressing together. If oil and vinegar can get along, why not crazy kidney beans? Why all the rhubarb? If you end up marinading each other, you could honeymoon in the thousand islands. No yolk, love is when you set aside that hard-boiled attitude and open up your hearts of romaine. If you've got the cabbage, get pasta your fears and add some relish to your life.

PS — something about a "ripe tomato."