Olympic gold medalist and soon-to-be 30 Rock “sex idiot” Ryan Lochte has captured America’s imagination with his chiseled pecks and flaccid, chlorine addled mind. And while his time in the public eye has been characterized by such knowledge nuggets as “Getting back in shape is rough but luv it” and “The world is my club ! I’m lovin life every step of the way #Jeah! #gobigorgohome,” neither gem could prepare you for the knowledge bomb he’s about to drop. Are you ready?