Ruth Bader Ginsburg Is Starting Out 2020 With Zero Cancer

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, shining star of the judiciary, has announced that she is “cancer free” after months of health problems.

Ginsburg, who has scared the daylights out of us repeatedly in the last year with with lung cancer followed by a cancerous tumor on her pancreas, told CNN her 2020 is off to a promising start: “I’m cancer free. That’s good,” she said. Yes, Ruth, if by “good” you mean “fucking fantastic.”

Ginsburg, now 86, has survived cancer four times already. Her first diagnosis came in 1999 with colon cancer, followed by pancreatic cancer in 2009. In 2018, she underwent surgery after more cancer was discovered in her lungs, missing court for the first time in 26 years. Just before Thanksgiving, she was hospitalized again with “chills and a fever,” though that, mercifully, wasn’t cancer related.

But someday, by cancer or not, Ginsburg is going to die. I understand that everyone dies, but perhaps some people’s deaths are more significant than others? Not all of us are singlehandedly defending the country from the Bosch painting that’s on the verge of being our future. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I wonder if there’s some sort of arrangement with the devil we can make to keep her alive, like if we sacrificed some lesser beings in order to save her. Would you give your own life in order to extend Ginsburg’s, and whatever shred of democracy we’ve got left? Something to think about…or not!