Russell Brand Files For Divorce From Katy Perry; Everybody Freak The Fuck Out

Stop the motherfucking presses, you guys: Katy Perry and Russell Brand are about to get a divorce. Love is over forever.

TMZ is reporting that Brand was the one to file papers, citing “irreconcilable differences.” The two were married in late 2010 in India and have, thankfully, refrained from reproducing. Katy Perry’s post-divorce plans may include forlornly shooting tears from her breasts and making an album wherein she alternately questions Brand’s sexuality and provocatively praises Jesus while licking a candy Bible. Hopefully, this means that Brand will halt his gradual and upsetting transformation from hilarious disheveled British comic to clean cut movie headlining Weird Al Yankovic clone.

Obviously, we’ll be reporting more from this earth shattering development as the story unfolds.